How to stop thinking of the worst case scenario
"I feel like I can't enjoy the joyful moments because my mind goes to the worst case scenario." Sound familiar? You’re not alone.
I was working with a client recently who asked if I had any tools to help with their thoughts from spiraling out of control. I introduced to them something called Defusion, which is a part of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) framework, helps people watch their thinking so that it feels like there is some separation between thoughts, memories, and feelings instead of getting caught in a spiral that feels never ending.
Read below for tips on how to stop catastrophizing your worst case scenario and start living in the moment.
1. Stop exaggerating - be specific and realistic
Look I get it, it’s easy to get in your head and think “oh this person thinks I’m the worst” or a common theme when I work with my polyamorous clients is “my partner is going to go on a date and leave me in the dust then I’ll be divorced and no one will want me.”
FULL STOP.
You’re going into a strong vortex of all-or-nothing thinking, which probably isn’t helpful for you. You see, when we start thinking the worst about a situation, that clouds any possibility for the light to shine in. So instead, we need to change our way of thinking. One way to do that is simply analyzing the likelihood of these things happening. Ask yourself these questions:
What evidence do I have to support this outcome or belief?
What is the worst that can happen?
Do I have the resources to get me through this situation?
If not, how can I prepare?
2. Get some more Zzzzz 😴😴😴
Look, I’m not your parent or your doctor but we all know damn well life is better with getting good quality sleep. When you’re running on empty you’re more irritable and you can’t get your thoughts together clearly.
Studies support that sleep deprivation make us more inclined to feel threatened, whiiiiiich also makes us think more negatively when interpreting situations. Guess what - you’re more likely to make a big deal out of a small oopsie.
For instance when I’m working with my ethically non-monogamous clients, many have reported a shared similar experience in where their partner who may be out on a date and ends up being just a bit late coming home. Or maybe their partner is unable to communicate back via text or call as soon as they’d like. So this sends them into a deep spiral of what if’s and overreactions.
Possible Solutions:
Get into a regular routine of sleeping between 6-9 hours per cycle.
Plan for how to adhere to your sleep schedule with your life’s unique schedule and circumstances in mind.
For instance, if your sleep bed time happens to be while a partner is out on a date, make it a point to engage in a night time goodbye so that you can feel safe and secure feeling connected to your spouse.
Ditch the phone. Cut the doom scrolling. There are many other activities that you can do to aid in your sleep. Scrolling on your phone before bed can lead increased reactivity in your brain. And, depending on the content, may lay on the side of negatives. Paramore’s song called The News goes into depth about the effects of scrolling on mental health if you want a catchy bop to resonate this with 🎶 🎶.
3. Recognize that thoughts are….just thoughts
Many of us are conditioned to believe that we are defined by our thoughts and we believe that they must be true. Part of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy addresses the idea that we all have thoughts, thoughts that are even disturbing at times. ACT suggests that if we just shift our idea of thinking to acknowledging these thoughts and letting them pass, that we don’t necessarily get wrapped up in them down an endless spiral.
You can try observing your thoughts and feelings from an objective standpoint like:
“I notice I’m having the thought that my husband clearly doesn’t care about me and is choosing my metamour over me”
“I notice that I’m feeling insecure in our polyamorous relationship because I realize that I haven’t had as much quality time with my wife lately”
“I notice I’m going down a catastrophizing spiral again. Thank you for this interesting thought.”
These thoughts don’t have to control how you feel. you can simply view them as other thoughts and feelings, one that eventually passes.
As a gift to you since you found this blog post (and if you're anything like me, you learn by doing and not reading), I've created a podcast episode where you can practice Defusing from your unhelpful thoughts and feelings so that you can feel more at peace. Check it out below!
Wrapping Up
Experiencing thought spiraling is an experience that most of us have gone through. However, if you notice that this is a continued pattern and creating unwelcome stress into your life or relationships, it may be helpful to seek the help of a therapist near you.
If you’re struggling to keep your thoughts from spiraling out of control, reach out to a trusted therapist today!
Paige Bond, She/Her
Paige Bond is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping individuals, couples, and ENM relationships with concerns about sexual intimacy and relationship anxiety/insecurity. She is also:
the founder of Couples Counseling of Central Florida,
the host of the Stubborn Love podcast
and the creator of the Jealousy to Joy Journey to help people pleasing millennials navigate non-monogamy.
She’s invested countless hours of hard work and dedication into her therapy practice studying what helps build secure relationships - in monogamous ones and otherwise.
