Navigate Divorce With Grace: A Guide For Ending Things Peacefully
Breakups can be messy
A divorce is, unfortunately, almost always a life-changing, challenging period; it is complicated enough without the bitterness and animosity that usually follows. However, there are methods of navigating the rough waters of divorce without the arguments and overall negativity that have become synonymous with the legal proceedings.
As adults, we should try to manage our emotions in a healthy way, rather than letting them control us, to keep things peaceful as we pass through difficult stages in life.
Hatred is never helpful in the long-term, it only complicates things and makes an unsuccessful marriage harder to move on from.
Here's some advice you can implement on your side of the proceedings to try and foster a respectful and amicable transition for both parties involved.
Prioritize Open Communication
The foundation of any smooth divorce is open and honest communication.
Rather than harboring resentment, try to share your concerns, expectations, and hopes for the future with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse.
Hopefully, they will see your side of the problems, and you can come together more easily to find a compromise.
Though it isn't fair to tarnish them all with the same brush, remember that divorce lawyers only fight for their client's side, not for the overall best result. Attorney’s often make more money in longer, messy divorces, so it is in everyone's best interest to keep communication channels open.
With a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® and proven process, divorcing spouses can achieve a more just result in an efficient, quantifiable, and collaborative manner, saving unnecessary time, money and most importantly emotional pain.
If you’re worried about finances, make sure to get set up with a Certified Financial Divorce Analyst (CFDA) like Steven Bryant from my podcast episode, Am I Going to Financially Be Okay After My Divorce.
Collaborative Approach to Decision Making
Legally, divorces are complicated. From property division to child custody arrangements, there are so many regulations that have to be sifted through, and that's without the additional emotional baggage.
Because of this, in a divorce settlement, it is best to remember that there is no "winning," or "losing," There should only be compromises. If children are part of the equation, their well-being should take precedence over your own and your ex-spouse's.
If you think your divorce is rough, imagine how it must feel to be your child.
Alternative Out-of-Court Solutions, like mediation, often adopt this mindset to divorce and help to build a neutral ground on which issues can be discussed. Your approach should foster an atmosphere of cooperation rather than confrontation.
Moving Forward with Positivity
Divorce can be a challenging and emotional journey, but it's important to remember that it's also an opportunity for growth, self-discovery, and a fresh start. Moving forward with positivity is a key aspect of navigating a divorce gracefully and setting the tone for your new chapter.
Embrace the Healing Process:
There is no linear process to healing after a relationship ends. Some call it a grieving process, even though the person is still alive, there is still a lot of emotional charge that can be tied to “what could have been.”
Acknowledge that healing takes time and it's okay to grieve the end of your marriage.
I’ve worked with people who have went through the hardest of heartbreaks. After working together through the grieving process, we started on their personal growth. We talked about all the possibilities that their life could be now that their marriage was over.
I always call back to these lyrics by one of my favorite bands, Paramore, to remind me that it’s okay to be where I’m at and acceptance can be a beautiful catapult into healing and transformation:
“I don’t even know myself at all
I thought I would be happy but now
The more I try to push it I realize gonna let go of control
Gonna let it happen, gonna let it happen,
Gonna let it happen, just let it happen
It’s just a spark but it’s enough to keep me going
And when it’s dark out and no one’s around it keeps glowing”
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Practice Self-Care
Divorces are rough, and can take a considerable toll on your emotional well-being. During the proceedings, take some time out to engage in things that bring you joy and relaxation. By doing so, you'll make the legal proceedings a little easier and hopefully find a little more control over your emotions.
Set New Goals:
Hello New You!
Did you forget about the you before your marriage? Before you committed yourself to that person, you were someone else. What would it be like to connect with that version of yourself?
Maybe you have new personal and professional goals post-divorce that you wanna tackle. You can view divorce as an opportunity to redefine your aspirations and ambitions.
So what are you dreaming of?
Conclusion
Divorce doesn't have to be a bitter battle that leaves lasting scars. Instead it can be managed gracefully and respectfully.
Success depends on both partners being willing to work towards ending things peacefully, however, remember you can only control yourself.
Assuming you approach things maturely and with an even keel, hopefully your ex-spouse will reciprocate. After all, it is in both parties' interests to keep things on an equitable basis.
Remember, the end of a marriage doesn't have to mean the end of civility; with the right approach, you can pave the way for a happy future.
