Finding happiness through self love: Holistic Kink Healing Practices
Show Notes
Host, therapist, and non monogamy coach Paige Bond interviews Sha Aguirre, a certified sound therapist, yoga instructor, and Reiki master.
Sha shares her transformative journey from being a hermit to becoming a holistic practitioner. She discusses her personal struggles with weight, self-love, and mental health, and how she used holistic modalities like breathwork, Reiki, sound therapy, and Shibari to heal herself and now helps others.
Sha also talks about her unique practice called 'Holistic Ropes,' which combines Shibari, crystals, and tuning forks to provide healing and emotional release for clients. The conversation delves into Sha's approach to non-monogamy, her experience in the kink community, and the importance of self-discovery and self-love.
04:48 Embracing Self-Love and Transformation
09:11 Discovering Breathwork and Spiritual Awakening
13:16 The Power of Reiki: Healing and Energy Work
16:04 Integrating Holistic Practices with Mental Health
18:52 Kink Awareness and Holistic Ropes
24:05 Emotional Release and Healing in Kink
25:21 Navigating Non-Monogamy and Personal Growth
27:34 Overcoming Jealousy and Insecurity: The Path to Ethical Polyamory
32:54 The Importance of Self-Knowledge in Relationships and Non-Monogamy
34:55 The Key to Happiness and Healing
Sha is a certified Sound Therapist, Yoga Instructor, and Reiki Master. She takes a comprehensive approach rooted in holistic modalities that fosters the synergy between self-love and nurturing self-care.
As the first POC to own Jacksonville's pioneering Holistic Center, she assumes the role of an Energy Worker and an Intuitive Transformational Coach. Sha's distinctive ability lies in perceiving the latent potential within individuals and guiding them toward healing with a compassionate and heart-centered approach.
Connect with Sha
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Website: https://paigebond.com
Paige Bond hosts the Stubborn Love podcast, is a Licensed Marriage Therapist, and a Polyamory Relationship Coach. Her mission is to help people-pleasing millennials navigate non-monogamy so they can tame their jealousy and love with ease. Her own journey from feeling lonely, insecure, and jealous to feeling empowered and reassured is what fuels her passion to help other people-pleasers to conquer jealousy and embrace love.
Free Jealousy Workbook:
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Disclaimer: This podcast and communication through our email are not meant to serve as professional advice or therapy. If you are in need of mental health support, you are encouraged to connect with a licensed mental health professional to receive the support needed.
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Intro music by Coma-Media on pixabay.com
Transcript
(generated by AI - please excuse errors)
[00:00:00] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: School didn't teach us how to be good at love, so I created the Stubborn Love podcast to help you navigate it. With my expertise in the marriage therapy biz, I'll share insights on topics like sex, money, and rock and ro um, I mean, navigating conflict, and more. No matter what stage of relationship you're in right now, this podcast is for you.
Every episode has actionable tips that will help you create a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life with the people you love. Don't miss an episode, subscribe now, and join me on this journey of love and learning for the stuff they didn't teach you in relationship school.
welcome back to another episode of Stubborn Love. I'm your host Paige Bond and today we have a very special guest named Sha Aguirre and she's got a lot going on. She's a certified sound therapist, yoga instructor, and Reiki master. And I'm really hoping that we get to dive into all sorts of things.
She's shared with me off the recording a bit about her own personal journey. I connected with her through, the kink aware professionals, directory. And so she incorporates some of her holistic healing modalities in order to help people, heal and bring more light into different aspects of their relationships.
So there's even so much more about you than I didn't even say.
so Sha, I would really love if you introduced yourself to listeners and kind of tell them your story on how you got to this place in your holistic healing, role for people.
[00:01:46] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: Thank you, Paige. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here.
I just, I'm just honored and it's just a privilege. So I appreciate you just reaching out. Thank you. All right. So, again, my name is Sha. Hi everyone. My, my journey has been a long one. I have to say that that much. I didn't initially want to be here. Initially, I was afraid of people and just interacting with people and being in large crowds.
I hermited A lot. And it's funny because just a sidebar, as I was going on this journey of where I'm at right now as a holistic practitioner, my cousin reached out to me, cousin that's close in age to me, and she started crying and she said, Oh my goodness, I'm so proud of you because you used to be a hermit and look at you now.
And I say, Yeah, yeah, I know. She said, No, but you really were a hermit. So she said, You really didn't go out. And so that just put things in perspective when I heard her and I just heard how, how emotional she was. But I consider myself a highly sensitive human being, grew up in the South Bronx, and even as a young child, I just remember just feeling a lot, you know, just feeling everything that was going on with the children around me, even with adults.
I remember my mother said that I was just such an inquisitive child that I asked so many questions. And I told her, I said, as a child, it was the weirdest thing for me because I didn't, I couldn't not, not necessarily express myself in the way that I needed to, but I could understand the words, even though I couldn't necessarily speak it out.
And I remember this as a child. And I remember when I asked my mother questions, I felt that she was beating around the bush, even though I didn't know. Yeah. Yeah. I could sense it. I could sense it that she was hiding something or she wasn't giving me full answers. And so that's why I kept asking the questions.
And it was only until I, you know, became an adult that I was able to express that to her. Like, Mom, I couldn't really communicate the way I wanted to, but I knew, like, You were not giving me the answers or straight answers that I needed for the questions that I was asking. And she was like, some of those questions I didn't even know they had the answers for.
Yeah. But, so, so fast forwarding, and school just really teased a lot because I was a very loving child. I just, liked people very much. So during that time, and I was very loving, sensitive, kind, compassionate, and growing up in the South Bronx, it was a rough neighborhood and the kids did not want to be loving, kind, compassionate.
And so I was like kind of a weirdo. And that caused me to kind of draw inward and not want to be around people. I always felt like I was going to get hurt because I was a little bit different and I began to use food as a tool for me in order to cope with everything else that was going on around me.
And I was 375 pounds. So it was almost 400 pounds at that time.this was about seven, I'm trying to think five, six, about six years ago. So it was about, almost 400 pounds. And at that time I was like, well, food is just going to be my friend. I don't care, I'm going to continue to eat.
But how do I, since I'm going to stay in this body, how am I going to love myself? How can I learn to love myself?
And everybody always talks about, Oh, you got to love yourself before you love anyone else, or you got to love yourself at the size that you are, no matter what you look like.
But I didn't know what that even looked like. People say, love yourself first, but they don't give you like a roadmap. And I was trying to figure that out for myself. What does that look like? What does that mean to love myself? And I thought, well, if I had a partner, this is how it would feel, or this is how I would feel if I felt loved.
How do I do that for myself? So I started, you know, throwing myself, making myself bubble baths. I stopped wearing my moomoos cause I was wearing moomoos all the time. I wasn't dressed. I was dressing very frumpy. So I started dressing myself up. I started taking myself places, nicer restaurants. I started taking myself out and doing the things that I would want.
a partner to do for me in order for me to feel loved. And the funny thing is like, I faked it until I made it. I started really loving myself. I started feeling that, what it felt like to love myself. And at that time I was like, you know what? Hey, I'm, I'm, I'm excited about this. I want to get a camper. I want to travel throughout the US.
I want to go bungee jumping and skydiving and all that. And, what happened is I didn't reach, reach the weight requirement. Like I was overweight. I couldn't do those things. So it's like, okay, I can't do these things that I want to do. And what am I going to do about that? And that's when I decided to get the gastric sleeve.
So I've lost up until now, almost 200 pounds since then. And I feel like that was my road on becoming healthier and happier. That was the start of it.
From there is when I started doing the breath work. And then after that I became Reiki certified, and I and I learned about sound therapy and meditation. I was kind of doing a little bit of that beat prior, but this is when I really kick started it.
I was like, Oh, the pedal to the metal. I want like all that life has to offer. And prior to that, I was just suffering from so much depression and anxiety, and I just remember just being very unhappy. And when I discovered all of the holistic modalities, it changed my world around.
Like, I just know that now I have the tools, and when I decided, when I realized that it worked for me, I was like, I want other people to experience this. What can I do to help other people know about all these wonderful things that's available to them? You know? And it's, it's, it's easy. It's accessible to them.
So it brought me here.
[00:08:25] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: Hmm. So what you do and what you offer people was really born out of your own necessity of trying to find that for yourself.
[00:08:36] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: Yeah, yeah, for sure. So I tried everything on me. I did self. So when I did Reiki, it was really for myself. So I wanted to learn healing touch for me. So I started doing Reiki and then adapted a daily practice where I woke up every day and I did breath work, Reiki on myself, sound therapy, journaling.
So it was a part of my journey first. And then offering it to others after that.
[00:09:06] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: Yeah. I, I really love how you mentioned that everyone talks about self love. And there's not really a how to for how to actually do it, like, and, and I really love this idea that you took a, oh, well, how would I want to be loved like by a partner?
Oh, what an amazing concept to, to be able to bring that care for yourself. I really love that. and, and love, you did provide that for yourself. I'm curious, so you were at this place where there was some disappointment, coming to find, like, kind of your dreams crushing all of the sudden, you know, you weren't able to go bungee jumping and, and do all these things that you were really excited about.
And you mentioned turning to like breathwork was something that you were first introduced to. How did that even come about for you? Is that something you googled? Is that someone something mentioned to you? Like how would someone find out about what breathwork is? Because it's different than just like the normal breathing we do, right?
[00:10:12] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: Yeah, yeah, that is, that, that is a fabulous question. I feel like, so I, like I say, okay, this is like where it really started, like me You know, diving in really deep with all of the holistic modalities. But prior to that, for a long time I could say I've been very spiritual. Like before this, I was a holy roller.
I consider myself a holy roller. I was in church four times a week, not exaggerating. Pastor secretary, a part of the dance ministry, a part of the choir. I did events for the church. So I was very spiritual and into God and the Bible and I used to do a lot of fasts too.
So I've done water fasts during that time. And when I was doing those things, I kind of was looking for ways to help myself during that. So the, the water fast and I looked into breath work at that time and And even kundalini, even though I was into some Christian things, because you know, some Christians say that's of the devil what are you doing?
But I was still searching, you know, I was always searching. So I did breath work prior to that just because of my previous experience with To a spirituality. And yeah, just Googling. I'm a, I consider myself a Googler extraordinaire. I'm always looking up things. So just Googling, YouTubing, there was, for Breathworks specifically, I got involved in that by a woman named Kelly Howell.
Do you know Kelly Howell? She does guided meditation and she does a lot of, audio with, theta waves. So I got involved with breath work with that. And she had a CD on kundalini breath work and taught the breath of fire. So I was doing the breath of fire. For many years prior to me even doing it on a consistent basis, like how I said, Okay, I'm doing it every day.
I was introduced to it. probably about 20 something years ago. Yeah.
[00:12:20] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: Yeah. Okay. So that wasn't really so much a foreign concept to you and something that you just took knowledge of and then do even deeper into it.
[00:12:30] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: Yeah. So the breath of fire was the first breath work exercise that I really enjoyed. And then I just added onto it after that, but I would say breath work is the first thing that I, that I tried.
[00:12:45] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: Yeah, what would you say that people can expect by doing breath work as like a practice?
[00:12:54] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: I would say a mind body spirit connection, being more calm, better sleep, clarity, being able to look within yourself and find answers. I feel like, yeah, breath has done so much. Just so much for me. I can't imagine life without it.
I mean, even if I'm not doing it in the morning, I'm doing it throughout, like, before I met with you, I was like, okay, breath work, let me sit here and do breath. Like, that's something that you can do all the time. I think out of all of the holistic modalities, that's a great place for anyone to start, because you can do it anywhere, anytime, and people don't even have to notice that you're doing it, because most of the time I'm not breathing out of my mouth.
I'm doing just nostril breathing as well.
[00:13:43] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: Wow. Yeah. That's so interesting to think about like the accessibility is there, like there's no cost. You just need to use your body.
[00:13:54] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.
And then, so you mentioned getting into Reiki and part of that, like, was for your own healing. Can you sort of explain what Reiki is?
And I'll dive into that a little bit deeper after that.
Yeah. Yeah. So Reiki is healing touch. Although it's considered to be healing touch, you don't have to touch, you don't have to physically touch someone. So when I do have clients, you know, I let them know, I give them an option or I let them know what they feel, what the, what they're most comfortable with.
So I can either touch them Or I can just have my hands over their body. So it's about bringing in life force energy. Or I say, God energy. And a lot of people, so let me, a sidebar here, because there's some people that are kind of scared of Reiki. And especially me coming from a Christian background,
there's people that are like, Oh, where are you getting that energy from? Because there's laying on of hands and Christianity. And that energy or that sort that the source is from God. So I have Christians that have come to me and go, well, where are you getting that energy from? And that's very important for me.
I don't have, even though I was a Christian right now, I always say love is my religion and I don't have, I don't subscribe to any specific religion, but I respect. everybody's journey. And I feel that we're all one and we're all connected. And that one life force that flows through all of us is God to me.
So it's like when I'm mentioning Reiki, I'm like, this is the source that Is that we're all a part of. This is God. This is your higher self. This is that energy, that vibration that connects us all. And that's what I'm bringing in when I'm doing Healing Touch with someone. So it's that energy that, all knowing energy that knows what your body needs or where you need healing or where that those energy blockages are, where that trauma is located within your energy body.
And I'm calling on that to help with the healing. And what's important in Reiki is to help. Two is that you're removing yourself from the outcome. So I think it is important that when you do have someone that's doing Reiki on you, that you know what their practices are and what they're doing. Because I, I, even though I am a channel and I'm not supposed to interfere with that channel, I am a vessel that it's going through.
So I think that's important too. What is the character of the person that is doing Reiki on you? What are their practices? What do they do to keep themselves balanced and aligned? But yeah,
[00:16:46] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: those are really good questions to reflect back for the practitioner because I. you know, bringing it back to the mental health side of the field that I'm more experienced in.
We also want to make sure that we are in good nature and being as therapists in order to be able to provide help to others. So I think that's so important. Yeah. You talked about, the removing yourself from the outcome. Can you go into what that means?
[00:17:13] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: Yeah. So, Especially starting out with Reiki. I mean, you want to, I'll speak for myself, starting out in Reiki, I want to be there and I want my clients to come to me and they're like, yeah, I have, you know, say, I'm having, I'll give you some, I'm having issues with sleeping.
I want to be there, you know, in the beginning, I'd be there like, okay, yeah, get, get them the energy that they need to help them sleep. So I need to remove myself from what exactly they need. If they tell me that they need. Help with sleeping. That's great. But I'm not here to direct that energy and tell it to go to help them with their sleep.
I'm there to facilitate and say, okay, I'm bringing this energy in, but this energy is intelligent to know exactly what you need because they need sleep. But there's underlying issues that I might not be privy to that of why they are going through those restless nights. So I'm relying on that all knowing, powerful energy that runs through us all to do what it means to do and removing myself.
And it is important for an energy practitioner to do that too, because when we don't remove ourselves, it can make us sick, because we're so focused on that outcome. that energy can backfire and cause issues within our body. So
[00:18:38] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: yeah. And that makes sense when you kind of have this hope or goal for a client that that might not even need to be tended to, right?
Like there's all those other. Layers that could be underneath it that have something else to do with it. it really reminds me of the practice when I do psychedelic assisted therapy and the integration process, we really try to remove having a necessary goal or specific thing in mind. We talk about intentions and just letting the medicine do the work for you and holding space.
So it sounds like part of your role is that holding the energy, holding the space and giving the client what they need.
[00:19:23] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: It's exactly like that. I didn't know you did psychedelic assistant. Yeah. That's awesome. Gotta talk to you about that. That's amazing.
[00:19:32] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: We'll talk more after this for sure. But yes, it's something that I've incorporated into my practice just as an alternative to talk therapies.
Because I think that talk therapy is great. We can get a lot done, have a lot of knowledge. But sometimes there are just things that are best left unsaid, like with your work in the energy healing or by doing some of these other alternative therapies, we can have a lot of movement with a client, even like not even having to actually talk about something.
So. I want to get to talking a little bit about how you incorporate this work into, kink and what that looks like. Cause I know that's how I found you was on the kink aware professionals directory.
So can you talk about that?
[00:20:22] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: So I created something called holistic ropes, totally my creation.
And what it is, is the combination of Shibari, The Japanese way of tying and that was done initially for the use of criminals. So it was used to tie criminals in Japan and depending on what tie you did determine what crime that criminal committed. So that's, I would say the, the things that I pull from it.
So it's There's yoga rope. there's the breath work I add in there as well. Reiki, crystal healing. So kind of a lot of the holistic modalities that I do now combining in with, with rope. So tying, crystals, breath work, and sound therapy all rolled up into one. I'll have to send you some pictures actually so you could see what that looks like, kind of.
But I tie my clients, it's called, it's a body harness. But the reason why I use that body harness is because it feels like, and most of the clients say it feels like I'm getting a hug. It feels like I'm in a hug that I can't get out of. So full body, body harness. And then on the knots of the rope, I add crystals that corresponds with each chakra and then I use tuning forks. it's a funny joke with the kink community cause I'm like, I fork a lot of you guys. I love forking you. So I fork people with my tuning forks. These are the tuning forks that I use.
[00:22:04] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: How cool.
[00:22:04] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: Yeah. 93. 96 Hertz is the vibration. Of the of the forks. That's the frequency and I use that one.
They say that that's the pulse of the universe or the heartbeat of the of the planet. It's what we hear in the background. We're not aware that we're hearing it. But if we don't have access to that frequency, we actually get sick. And I use that one because it creates the fastest results within the energy body.
[00:22:34] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: I am kind of curious, what would be some reasons that people may not have access to that frequency?
[00:22:41] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: Astronauts. So if you go, yeah, so if you go up into space, that's a fabulous question. Yeah, if you go, So astronauts that go up into space, there's something that they use to give them access to certain frequencies that they have on this planet that they don't have access to in space.
[00:23:01] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: Wow. Oh, man. So you're, you're getting out of this world with this.
[00:23:06] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: I'm getting out of this world! There you are! Yes.
[00:23:10] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: Yeah.
Can, can I ask a little bit more, like when you are more incorporating this kink aspect with the, the ropes, can you talk about maybe what kind of, hopes that people have when they come to you?
Like what issues do they have and what are they wanting to get out of it?
[00:23:30] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: Yeah, that's a good question. So, For a lot of the people, I would say, within the community that I, that I work with, when it comes to rope in general, a lot of the rope work is used either for torture, sexual reasons more so, so when people are coming to me, they're looking for more of a, a different, a different type of experience for one.
They don't want to be sexualized and they're not looking for pain, right? They're looking for a more nurturing environment. So this is what gives them that. Cause I'm again, holding that space, giving them a safe space to express and feel and knowing that also I am a professional, so not just a kinkster doing this, but also a kink professional that's able to provide them with that safe space. So that's one. And then two, I would say to feel, to feel like a lot of the people within the kink community, I can't even just say a lot of people in the kink community, a lot of people on this planet are having problems with feeling their emotions.
So The practice that I do with the holistic rope, that is the biggest benefit that I see, and I see it immediately. Like, I'll tie someone up, they'll have crystals on them, and I'll go to give them a tuning, and it's, some of them will just bust out into tears, because in that moment, they're actually able to feel, you know.
Someone had said to me like, Man, I was holding in all this emotion for so many months and I came here and I wasn't expecting to feel. So that's, that's what I want to do, or that's what I, I like helping people with, with, with being able to, you know, get out of their own way, so to say, and go inward yeah. And feel something.
[00:25:41] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: It sounds like the practice that you do allows them to tap into the very human experience of feeling and releasing emotions that might have been bottled up for quite some time.
[00:25:59] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: Yeah. Yeah. For sure. For sure. Mm hmm.
[00:26:03] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: And I, I know that, we've talked a little bit offline about just kind of your own experience and how this has been really healing for, for you as well, and you know something about me, I'm a therapist that specializes in mental People pleasers who are navigating non monogamy and, and I know that was something that stood out to me also on your kink aware professionals profiles that you, you are affirming and on your website too, I think, and, and are able to be able to assist people, who are also navigating non monogamy or just provide a really affirming space. Can you talk a little bit about your, your work with that and what's that been like adjacent to the kink community, the non monogamous community.
[00:26:47] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: Yeah. I feel like it's just been, it's for me, it's very natural because the communities I serve, I'm also a part of those communities, you know, I'm, I, I served not only kink open, open relationships, like you said, non monogamy, BIPOC and LGBTQ community. And I'm a part of all those communities. You know, I'm a black woman, I am pan, I'm poly, and also I'm a part of kink as well.
So I feel like it's been just very natural for me to help within those communities that I'm a part of, you know, so it's been a natural transition and just my experience with that as far as like non monogamy that started 18 years ago with my with my current husband. And, when we first started to try to be poly, I mean, we, we pretty much talked about being poly from the beginning of our relationship, but it was just really difficult for me to make that adjustment.
I was very jealous and, I just felt like I just, I wasn't enough. At that time,
[00:27:59] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: yeah, I feel you.
[00:28:01] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: Yeah. I felt like I wasn't enough and I thought maybe if someone else gave my husband what I couldn't give them that, that would put our relationship in jeopardy. So with me being able to work on myself and go inward and find balance within, that's what helped our relationship get better and thrive and be happy, healthy, and just live an ethical poly lifestyle from that.
And that has to do with me knowing my own worth. I don't feel like I knew my own worth or knew what I was bringing to the table, but me being able to realize that I'm a unique being, and no matter what or who else my husband meets, no one's going to be like me. And if he wanted to cheat, he could cheat regardless of if we were with someone else or not, it wouldn't have anything to do with what I'm not giving him.
And if I'm being the best version that I am, I think sometimes that is that is the case too. I feel like sometimes I'm going to speak for me, for me. I feel like I wasn't necessarily living up to the best that I could be. And so that made me more self conscious about my husband being with other people because I wasn't being the best, my best version.
But now I'm living up to my own standards of who I would like to be, being my best self. And that puts me in a place where I can support him and other relationships. And I, and now I feel like it's almost, I feel kind of selfish, like, not giving him those opportunities to explore and be with other people because a lot of times in monogamous relationships, you can't even have someone of an opposite sex as a, as a friend, you know, platonic friend.
So it's not even just about. The, the sexual part of it, but just being able to communicate and meet other people. And yeah, that is true. like no one else can give, like, I can give my husband what I give him, but there's other people on this planet that can't, I can't give what they can give him.
And I feel so selfish to hold that back from him. Because we need people in order to evolve. So it's almost like for me, I'm holding back his ability to evolve as a human because I'm holding back those interactions where someone might have a jewel to drop on him at any given time. So I want to be able to give him that, that autonomy to share and care and love as freely as he needs to.
And vice versa for myself.
[00:31:00] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: Oh, wow. What, what a journey that, that you just talked about. I'm, I'm filled up with, like, so much love and joy hearing about this process. Not, not to say that, like, Oh, I'm joyful that you, you struggled, but to hear how this really evolved for you and formed in a way that you did a lot of own internal assessments for yourself and seeing, wait a second, what's happening here inside of me, because that's a common theme that I see in working with this community and something that I struggled with when I was trying to figure out a non monogamy was for me a big part of like the struggle with the jealousy and, just not making it work was like, Oh, I don't have enough confidence in myself or I don't know myself that well, or I don't know what I want.
And when we, when we have all of those questions, kind of like these really crucial, important things to know about the core of our being, yeah, we're going to feel insecure when our partner might bring up the idea of opening up or changing the dynamic of our non monogamous agreement. So yeah.
[00:32:20] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: Yeah. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. What you said is for sure. Cause if you're so confused about yourself. There's definitely going to be some confusion about bringing someone else in, you know, that's going to be even, even worse. I feel like being poly, it brings out, you know, if you're going through stuff, it will magnify it even more, whatever you're going through.
So yeah.
[00:32:46] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: 100%. Yeah. If, and I know there's no like direct step by step process to do this, but it really is an on your own journey of self discovery while also realizing how important your husband's journey of self discovery was and realized like that would kind of be your superpowers together. If you could get to that place where you can be supportive in your own discoveries.
Right.but, but I imagine that there's like a lot of like stumbling along the way and like how to do it. S
o I'm wondering if maybe you could give listeners where could they start if they're at that place where they've been struggling in a non monogamous relationship and they want to get to a better place of not feeling jealous or not feeling insecure. What would be that first step that you might be able to give them?
[00:33:40] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: Ooh, that's a tough one because it's like, I feel like one of the first steps is actually figuring out if This is really for you.
I feel like that's the first step. Like, is this type of relationship really for me? And And, and trying to ask yourself, it comes down to asking yourself very tough questions, right? Is this really for me? Is this really what I want? That's, that's number one. That's the first step. And if it is something.
Yeah, and if it is something that you really want, it's about diving deep and figuring out what you want for your life and what's important for you first. And I think it comes back to what you said, like knowing yourself, knowing who you are, doing everything that you can to figure out Who you are on this planet.
What did you come to do? What were you brought here to do? What are your innate gifts and talents? I love this question because you know in relationships a lot of people are like Oh, you're in a relationship with someone so it's about figuring out what you and your partner want together.
Yes, that is a part of it. But I think the first step is about it's about you and what you want and what your needs are first. And then once you figure out what you want, what your needs are, what your best version is. Then you can take it from there and figure everything else out.
But I think that's so important. Just knowing yourself. I think that's what got me here. This is what, it's, it feels so, it's so simple. The concept, but it's so difficult for most. And I know you've heard this before. I literally follow my bliss. And I'm, I'm almost 50 years old, and I've suffered from depression for such a long time.
probably 43, 44 years of my life with depression and anxiety. And now, me not having that. And being able to live a happy, healthy life comes from me following my bliss, doing the things that make me happy and not doing the things that don't make me happy. That's it. And I've had, you know, during those years, I've had so much chaos going on around me, but I'm the happiest that I've ever been.
And that's just because I know who I am. I'm confident with who I am. I know what I came to this planet to be. To do and be. And there's nothing else that can crumble that or break that down. And that allows me to be, present and supportive of other people's journey. And that means my husband's journey and what he needs to thrive and survive.
And then in turn, figuring out what we need as a couple. But I, but, I don't know if that helped or that answered, but, okay.
[00:36:56] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: Yes. Yes. I love that. The, the simple phrase, follow your bliss. Like, I always think, like, why do we do these things that we don't want to do or that we like almost dread doing? Why continue putting ourselves in these situations?
So that is a really fantastic first step, Sha. let's take it and run. And listeners, if you're at this place where you're not really sure what to do or, you know, trying to make a decision about your relationship see if you can take a step back and actually do a little bit more inward work and see what that shows you.
[00:37:37] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: And it's tough. It's not so easy, you know, especially I feel like a lot of that inward work, it causes us to look at the not so pretty sides of ourselves. And a lot of times we don't want to do that, but it requires that in order for you to move forward. So,
[00:37:55] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: you touched on a spot that you and I could probably talk about for hours, right?
Like talking about doing that own internal shame work that that might be perpetuated over and over again. And it's hard to admit when we might not be living up even to our own expectations. Who wants to admit that, right?
[00:38:18] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: Yeah. Hmm. Like one time, my husband, you know, sometimes I get messages, so highly sensitive, but sometimes I also talk back and forth to source on occasion, we have conversations.
I get messages, downloads, and, I was one night with my, with my husband in bed I Started bawling because I heard a message and source said, okay, you've, Express to your husband previously what would happen if things weren't going right and this would be what would happen. Now it's time for you to tell him what happens when everything goes right.
And I just bawled. I said, Oh my God, because at that moment, it was like, Oh, I've been pounding into him like everything that's wrong, and these are the consequences you'll face if this is not right, or this is not done, but have I actually taken the time to sit with him and say, all of these things are wonderful, and you know, as we continue on this path, this is how I see our life, or this is what I love about you, and I stopped that moment and I had to, you know, Tell him like, this is how I feel while I was bawling.
You would think it would be like a wonderful time for you to say, Oh, I love you. But no, because it hit my ego because I was like, Oh shit, all this time. I haven't told you all these wonderful things. You know, my, I let my ego in the way and this was something that I needed to work on. And, you know, he was so grateful for it.
So things like that example. You know, just being able to go in and figure out, okay, I could have done this better and this is where I need to make shifts.
[00:40:12] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: What a small tweak, but such a transformational mindset shift and impact. Let that sink in, everyone. Oh, that, that was a big one. That was really big. I think oftentimes we negate or don't think about as often the appreciations that we can give or instead of the worst case scenario, the best case scenario that could happen.
Right. And how, how much energy sucking it does when we're in the worst case scenario.
[00:40:46] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: Yeah. And you want to feel like, you know, at that moment I wanted to feel like as a partner, I wasn't holding that back from him. You know, I had realized, oh my goodness, As your wife, I'm holding back all that good stuff, all that deliciousness that I could be telling you right now to help boost you up.
And I was holding that back for a number of years too. I was like, eesh, that hurts.
[00:41:13] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: Yeah. Yeah. What a healing moment though.
[00:41:17] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: Yes. On the other side, there's so much healing. You got to go through it so you can get that healing on the other side. And I did. It's wonderful.
[00:41:28] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: Yeah Here you are.
[00:41:31] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: Here I am. Yes.
[00:41:34] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: well, we've covered so much in such a short amount of time talking with each other, but I'm wondering if we, we left any stone unturned before we wrap up here today.
Is there anything else that you, you might want to touch on before we do wrap up?
[00:41:50] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: I don't think so. I think we did really well.
[00:41:53] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: Heck yeah. Heck yeah. Oh my gosh, I've talked about so much. and I could talk to you for like five more hours, just about this stuff.but I don't know if a long form podcast like that, are even a thing.
And that's like a whole day blog or something.
[00:42:11] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: I know, I know, I know. We'll have to break it up sometime.
[00:42:18] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: well, so if listeners are super interested in the type of work you do, or just want to see what's available or learn more about you, can you tell people where to find you and what stuff you have cooking up lately?
[00:42:33] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: Absolutely! So you can find me on IntuitMinds.com. That's I N T U I T M I N D S dot com. If you are on FetLife and you're looking for Kinky stuff like kinky and holistic together. You can also find me on, on Fet as well as as OmKink. So it's O M K I N K as well. And right now I have a holistic rope series that I put together. So I'm going to be working on each chakra at a time. So that's coming up and I'm working on the heart chakra, of course first Yeah, I also have belly dance class Open to all genders coming up as well.
And then every Saturday at 11 a. m. I have alternate classes. So every Saturday at 11, I have a sound bath. I have a, breathwork class, poetry and yoga class, something new. I'm always getting something, some stuff with a little bit of, adventure and, something different and unique in the mix.
But I have a poetry and yoga class where I do,yin yoga and then I combine that with poetry and then I recite a poem while we're in each posture. So three to five minutes holding that posture and then reciting a poem and then I do a chair yoga class as well and then 11 a. m that's the in person class but at 12 30 p. m that same day on Saturday I repeat that class virtually. So I offer memberships as well, too, for that, for online and in person classes.
[00:44:09] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: That's great to know, because I was going to ask, the yin yoga poetry classes I'm a huge fan of those longer poses, and I would love for you to, like, soothe me with a poem.
[00:44:21] Sha Aguirre, Holistic Healer: Yes! We gotta do it! Yeah, yin yoga, that is, it's so delicious, isn't it? It's great.
[00:44:28] Paige Bond, Polyamory Coach and Relationship Expert: Oh, so good. Yeah. Yeah. Well, so you do so many things, and have so much to offer. So I will make sure to include, any of the, the links to those things in the show notes. So listeners can go check you out and maybe, you've made some more connections from our talk today.
So This was so very important and informational, and just, I really am so thankful that you are who you are, making these kinds of waves in the community that we need. Thank you so much.
