Healing Through Conversations: Suicide and Awareness
Summary
TRIGGER WARNING: In this episode Paige Bond interviews LaToya Bond, a podcast host focused on suicide prevention.
LaToya shares her story and discusses her podcast, Speaking of Love, which aims to remove the stigma around suicide and educate others.
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In this episode, you’ll learn:
Risk factors and warning signs of suicide
The importance of compassionate listening and how to seek help.
The responsibility as a caring bystander
What to do after a hospital stay from a suicide attempt.
La Toya Bond is a legal professional, entrepreneur, suicide preventionist, and interventionist. She is also the host of a weekend podcast show called, “Speaking Of Love”. La Toya created this podcast as a platform for spreading love in honor of her dad who died by suicide in 2020. For reasons unknown, her dad murdered his wife moments before taking his own life. In an effort to raise mental health awareness and suicide prevention, La Toya has dedicated her life to helping individuals like her dad who are struggling with the affects of mental health challenges; which often leads to suicide.
Resources from this episode
988lifeline.org
For 24 hour free crisis counselling in the United States, the number is 988.
Noteworthy quotes from this episode:
“Isolation is the biggest factor for suicide and people feel alone. Just letting them know that you are not alone is the one thing they need to know. That somebody somewhere cares.”
Connect with La Toya Bond
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/speakingoflovepodcast/
Email: beautifultoy@me.com
Website: https://www.beautifultoy.net/
Connect with Paige Bond
Instagram: @paigebondcoaching
Facebook: @paigebondcoaching
Website: www.paigebond.com
Paige Bond hosts the Stubborn Love podcast, is a Licensed Marriage Therapist, and is a Polyamory Relationship Coach. Her mission is to help people-pleasing millennials navigate non-monogamy so they can tame their jealousy and love with ease. Her own journey from feeling lonely, insecure, and jealous to feeling empowered and reassured is what fuels her passion to help other people-pleasers to conquer jealousy and embrace love.
Free Jealousy Workbook:
http://www.paigebond.com/calm-the-chaos-jealousy-workbook-download
Free People Pleasing Workbook:
https://www.paigebond.com/people-pleasing-workbook
Disclaimer: This podcast and communication through our email are not meant to serve as professional advice or therapy. If you are in need of mental health support, you are encouraged to connect with a licensed mental health professional to receive the support needed.
Mental Health Resources:National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255SAMHSA’s National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 for free, 24/7 crisis counseling.
Intro music by Coma-Media on pixabay.com
Transcript
Paige Bond, LMFT
Welcome back to another episode of Stubborn Love. I'm your host, Paige Bond. And today we have a very, very special guest. not only because we share the last name, but because she is a very special person that I met recently, who I actually got to chat with and guest on her own podcast. So her name is LaToya Bond and she's a podcast host of Speaking of Love podcast and also a suicide prevention advocate.
And so today, she is here to share her story to help others to inform others. And I'm just really excited about to have this chat with you LaToya. So, so glad to have you here today. Can you tell the listeners a little bit about who you are? And we'll kind of dive into some other topics around the topic of suicide today?
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
Wow. Well, thank you, Paige Bond from one Miss Bond to another. Thank you so much for having me here on your podcast. I really appreciate it. My name is LaToya and I am the host of Speaking of Love podcast. My podcast was created in honor of my dad who took his own life in a murder suicide. My father was a wonderful person. He was a radio TV, broadcast engineer for a major television network at work.
for many years, he made positive contributions to society. And one of the great things he did was he hosted a radio show many years ago called Speaking of Sports. So when he, when he passed away, I wanted to do something to honor him. And I knew he loved being a radio host. So I thought I'll start a podcast in his honor, but I know nothing about sports. So my show is called Speaking of Love instead of Speaking of sports, and I just interview people from all around the world, different
walks of life and we talk on the subject of love. people come to me for advice. and then I always include a little something about suicide prevention and awareness because since the passing of my dad, I have really, dedicated my life to learning more about the subject of suicide. And, aside from that, I am a legal professional and then I also run a, a small home based business. So I keep myself busy these days.
Paige Bond, LMFT
Hm. You sure do keep yourself busy wearing so many hats. And I, I know how busy you are just with running your podcast and youtube channel and being able to connect with people and spreading this awareness for suicide prevention. And I think what you're doing is so lovely to be able to honor your father in, in such a beautiful way and, and in a way
where you're, you're basically drawing that same parallel where he was running his own show with sports. And you're getting to do that in such a beautiful way to honor him.
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
Hm. Well, thank you. Thank you for saying that.
Paige Bond, LMFT
Yeah. So I I'm really excited to talk about this topic today because I think suicide awareness is sort of a, a hush hush thing and not something that we all talk about. and can really be seen as kind of something that we are ashamed of, you know, even having passive suicidal ideation. And so it's really hard to reach out and to connect to others, which can make us feel a lot more alone and really spiral into a deep dark place.
So, as far as suicide prevention and advocacy, could you tell listeners what even that looks like? Like, how do you advocate and what is advocating for suicide prevention?
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
Well, thank you for that page. When my father passed away, I knew immediately that I wanted to learn more about the subject of suicide. I knew what suicide was, but I didn't know the statistics behind it and the science behind the human brain and, and the mind and what makes a person go to that dark place. So what I have learned, I'm gonna share with you all your audience today.
First, I'd like to let you all know that 47,000 people died by suicide last year in the United States alone, every 11 minutes, someone dies by suicide. So that means page. By the time we get done airing this podcast right now, we will have lost at least three people. 90% of the people who die by suicide have a diagnosable mental illness. And if you're standing in a room with 100 people, at least two of those people are contemplating suicide.
At that moment, it's a very serious topic in my role in my position. And my mission is to erase the stigma because there's a lot of negative thoughts about suicide and people go quiet and they don't want to discuss it. But suicide has become more prevalent now, especially after the pandemic than ever before. And a lot of people believe that the suicide rates are higher around the holidays, but that's not true.
Depression starts to set in around the holidays, but the numbers really go higher for suicide in the spring. So we're, we're facing that time now where the numbers are gonna start growing. And I just wanna educate you all about the topic of suicide because it's, it's real.
Paige Bond, LMFT
Wow. And to, to hear those numbers that is staggering when, when I hear you say, if you're standing in a room of 100 people, 2% of the whole room is thinking about suicide. And I, I don't think this is a well known information that people think of daily, that people know how, how many people are struggling with the actual thoughts of wanting to end their life?
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
Yes. You're far more likely to encounter someone having suicidal thoughts than you are to encounter someone having a heart attack and you know how common heart attacks are. So, just to give you a reference. Yeah.
Paige Bond, LMFT
Yeah. Yeah. And when I hear you say that even just in the time of us ending this podcast, how many deaths will happen by suicide? And these are only if I'm correct.
Paige Bond, LMFT, La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
You said the statistics, these are only in the United States or that's worldwide, but this is only in the United States according to the CDC, 47,000 people died by suicide last year alone in the United States.
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
That doesn't even include other countries, you know, Canada and places like that.
Paige Bond, LMFT
Hm. Hm. And we, we are only a small portion of the world here in the US.
Paige Bond, LMFT, La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
So this is a worldwide issue, not just, you know, known in the US, but even even with that, those numbers are massive and there's probably more, the numbers may be higher just depending on the way that the death was reported to the county in which the person lived.
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
So we, we suspect that the numbers may be even higher.
Paige Bond, LMFT
Wow. Wow. Is there any reason why some deaths that are, are likely actually suicides but are reported otherwise. Like, is there any reasoning behind that, do you know?
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
well, you know, because of medical reasons, like the autopsy may not reveal, exactly the manner. Like if the person takes a, a drug that isn't easy to be detected, it could be a number of factors. So those, if a person passes away and it's undecided how they die, then that wouldn't be in the category of suicide when it may, it is, you know, very well have been so got it, got it.
Paige Bond, LMFT
Ok. That makes sense. And, so kind of getting back to this idea that we're, we're all walking around with quite a bit of people who are struggling with thoughts of ending their life. you know, as, as someone who is just a, you know, person who isn't involved in a situation who doesn't know who doesn't have the information. I'm wondering what us regular people could do to be able to help those who are struggling even if we may not know that they're struggling with anything like that.
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
Well, some people exhibit behaviors that are indicative of someone who is contemplating suicide. And then some people don't. And you a lot of us, we just don't know what the signs are. For example, my dad didn't really show signs of depression, things of that nature, but what he did do was he always joked about suicide. So, for example, I would call him at the end of a long day.
And I call and I say, hey, dad, how are you? How was your day today? And he go, oh, I'm tired. I'm just looking for the bridge and I would go, why, why are you looking for? What bridge? And he'll say, I'm ready to jump, I'm ready to jump. You know, we would laugh about it and it was like a standing joke. And now I realize with suicide hindsight is 2020 there was a level of truth to his joke, to his sarcasm and he, he really wanted to end his, his pain.
And what I know about suicide is that people who take their own lives don't necessarily want to die. They just want their pain to end. So if I could give you a little background about suicide, the warning signs. Ok. So I'm gonna read from my list here because it seems like when I try to do this without my list, I always think later on like, oh my God, I forgot one.
So I'm gonna give you what I, what I have here and all this information is from the CDC. Ok. So, people who have a family history of suicide like myself, I lost my dad to suicide. So I am at a greater risk of committing suicide myself because of the desire for a reunion, wanting to be with my dad, longing to, to fix what was broken and to heal the regrets that I have.
So I have to be very careful how I lead my life as a suicide law survivor. Other factors include difficult life events such as experiencing the loss of a child, emotional abuse. A person who has been physically abused. People who have stressful events in their lives, like losing a loved one, losing a relationship, going through a divorce, having a miscarriage, feeling isolated, have feeling as if you have no family support, excessive drug use, living with a mental condition.
Caring for someone being a caregiver is a, is another risk factor for suicide. And people who have problems with work or finances, they're at a greater risk for suicide. So some of the warning signs like I said, are isolation talking about committing suicide, giving away prize possessions. I, I spoke with a lady the other day and her husband took his own life and he gave away his class ring.
He graduated from a prestigious college maybe about 30 years ago and he just gave away his ring and a couple of weeks later, he took his own life. People who lack the desire to groom themselves, not going to work, losing an interest in things that you normally find them. enjoying all of those can be risk factors and warning signs for suicide.
Paige Bond, LMFT
Yeah. So I'm I'm hearing like towards the end of what you were saying there's a lot of overlap with in, in my clinical work, major depression, diagnosable depression by a mental health professional doctor. What have you? One thing that stood out to me as kind of a surprise as a risk factor is you said that, that caring for someone is puts you at a risk factor for suicide like like caregiving.
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
Sure. So let's say you have a relative who has a, a terminal disease and you're taking care of this individual and you're devoting your time to caring for, for someone who's sick. And then when that individual passes away, you yourself could become mentally challenged and depression, anxiety sets in, you start to feel guilty, you know, like, oh my goodness, I failed them.
They passed away. So it all leads back to the depression. Like I said earlier, 90% of the people who commit suicide have had a mental health diagnosis. So we just have to take better care of ourselves.
Paige Bond, LMFT
And, and I wanna get to maybe some tips we can talk about about how to take care of ourselves. But right now I kind of want to stick on like these, these signs when, when people are noticing these signs, maybe they're noticing people aren't, you know, taking showers and having proper hygiene.
They're missing days at work. Maybe a co-worker is noticing this or a friend or a loved one. What would you recommend or advise that they do in this situation for the person that they see this changed behavior in.
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
Ok. So what, what I would recommend for them to do is confront them, confront the situation but go to them with love. Don't go with judgment, don't go with criticism. Lower your voice when you're speaking to them. So I would go and say hi Lisa, how are you today? You know, I noticed that you, you haven't been yourself lately, what's going on? And I would listen to the person, don't try to fix what's wrong, just be an open soft place for them to land and just listen to them.
And once they describe what they're going through, I want you to ask them directly. Don't beat around the bush, say to them. Wow. I understand how that could be hard. You know, people who have gone through what you're facing right now, often think of suicide. Are you thinking of suicide? Are you thinking of taking your own life? Ask them directly.
Studies show that asking them directly opens up the door for them to feel comfortable to talk to you about it? Because remember they, they've isolated themselves. They don't feel that they can talk to anyone and even say I don't want to live anymore. So with you axing them, that's gonna help them open up more. So if they do reveal to you that they're contemplating suicide or they, they're having thoughts the worst thing you can do is judge them.
For example, this would be a horrible response. What you're thinking about suicide? Oh, come on, that guy is not even worth it. Are you kidding me? You'll get another job. Don't worry about that. your son died? Oh, you, you can have another baby. You come on, you can't be that weak. Are you kidding me? So, don't, because people actually have, have made those comments.
So when you, when the person comes to you and they reveal that they're having those thoughts lower your voice, talk to them with empathy and compassion and stay with them. Be focused on them, put your cell phone down and look them in the eyes, put your hand on their shoulder, talk to them, let them know that you care and just be there for them.
And what I would advise you to do if the person is contemplating suicide, encourage them to dial 988 and you two can do it together because what's gonna happen at that point, a trained crisis worker is gonna be on the line and they can walk you through the next steps with this individual.
Paige Bond, LMFT
I, I love how you highlighted how important it is to just be a listener rather than a fixer and coming at this without judgment because I, I can definitely hear the difference and in the different ways you described of OK, this is what you would do to be very supportive to help someone struggling with these thoughts. And here is where it could really turn wrong and help, you know, make the person feel judged and not want to open up anymore.
Something that stood out to me as you were talking about that is, you said, don't beat around the bush and ask directly if they are thinking about suicide. And I think it's a common misconception with people that if they ask about suicide, then that's going to basically put it in their mind or give them the idea to kill themselves.
And that, you know, it would be their fault for thinking of that idea and verbalizing it and yada, yada yada. So can you kind of talk about how there is that big misconception that talking about suicide kind of makes it more likely to happen?
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
Well, yes, because there is a misconception that if you, if you ask the person, if they're contemplating taking their own lives, then you're gonna push them further into doing it. Research shows that that's far from the truth, that's not gonna happen. If anything, you're opening up a door for them to come to you and talk to you and have a safe place to land.
and with those thoughts, so don't be afraid to ask the questions, don't say. Are you thinking of harming yourself? Say, are you thinking of ending your own life? Are you thinking of suicide? Say the word, let them know because then they'll have, they'll feel safer and they'll be able to talk to you about it.
Paige Bond, LMFT
And I, I also think added into that if you're the person bringing up the word suicide, they can get a sense and feel that you have this deep concern about them. It's not the, oh, are you, are you just having a bad day? They understand that the person listening gets that this is a very serious possibility. And I, I think a lot of, well, II, I won't say that because I can't speak for people who have gone through that process of thinking about ending their life.
But I wonder if it's a common thought that or feeling for people who are ending their lives to feel like they haven't been taken seriously on a number of things. And so this is a way that they finally feel like they're being taken seriously when they're being directly asked if they're ending their life. What do you think about that?
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
I agree with you. 100% people you see when people are in the mode of, of thinking of ending their own lives, they're already isolated in their minds because suicide is a disease of the mind, not a disease of the brain. So the mind is telling them the suicidal thoughts, the depression, the anxiety is telling them in your life you're not worthy, no one cares about you.
So if you come to them and you talk to them and you ask them directly, then that's gonna kind of change the dynamic in their mind. Like, OK, well, this person is seeing me out, I'm a person. They can, they, they visualize me, they, they can see that. I, I'm, I'm struggling here. I'm going through something. And another thing I wanna bring forth too is if a person does reveal to you that they're contemplating taking their own lives, one thing you can say to them is, you know, I've been in
some tough places in my life before where I didn't want to live anymore or just share a short story, not too long, but just a short story to kind of empathize with them with that way, you can kind of walk in their shoes and say, wow, I've been there. I know what it feels like.
Paige Bond, LMFT
Yeah, I love that idea because that can probably relieve some of the feeling that they've been having that they feel so alone and by sharing, you know, as the listener, sharing your own struggle with them that can just help them feel less alone and that I love that.
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
And that's the last thing you want them to be as alone because the isolation is the biggest factor for suicide and people feel alone and just letting them know that you are not alone. I'm sure you've seen the, the billboards, you are not alone. And that's the one thing they need to know is that somebody somewhere cares?
Paige Bond, LMFT
Yeah. when, you know, you get to that point, you know, if you're talking to someone and they are thinking about ending their life, you call the 988 number. You're speaking to this crisis counselor. as, as the person who is the caring, you know, just bystander trying to help.
What, what is the responsibility of that person to be able to care for or make sure that, that the person who's struggling with thoughts of ending their life. What is the responsibility of this listener? Bystander?
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
Well, here's the thing you, you know, I, I'm not a life saver, I'm just here to help you save your life, but I have to have your willingness, your participation. And, you know, we all have a journey that we're gonna, that we take in life and some people I'm gonna be able to help and some people I'm not gonna be able to help. So you have to know that going in as an advocate that you're not gonna be able to save everyone because not everyone wants to be saved.
You can't, you, you it's, it's unfortunate but not all people can be reached and saved. So as long as I have your participation, your willingness, my role is to take you by the hand and lead you to a trained professional who can help you and who can maybe if you need a 72 hour hold in the hospital for a mental health assessment. My role is to get you. I am a liaison. I am, I am going to help you get to the next level of that.
Paige Bond, LMFT
Yeah, I think that's so important. What you're highlighting is that, you know, as the bystander, you are not trained unless you are, you know, a mental health crisis counselor or a doctor of sorts who has mental health training, you don't have the skills or ability to know necessarily what to do next. Nor is it really your role to do that in that capacity? You know, as just this caring, compassionate person.
And I think that can often get mixed up a lot. You know, we kind of take on this role of hero or just savior and take on all this responsibility and it can also turn into this. You must do this because I want you to live rather than really listening to the person struggling and hearing out their story. I'm wondering if you kind of hear that often in your work.
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
Yes. See when it comes to suicide prevention, if a person is, is wanting to go and take their own lives, any person can save a life, you don't necessarily have to be a trained professional. You don't have to have a degree in, in medicine to save a life. But what I will say is not every person is able to be saved I mean, sometimes the mental illness is, is so prevalent and just, you know, we all have our own journey and unfortunately some people are gonna die by suicide.
But all you you can do is get the person to the next level of care in whatever capacity that is. And that's your role. If they're willing, if they're not willing, then maybe you have to dial 911 on your own. If they're not willing to go with you to call 988 for help, then maybe you need to make the call because I would rather for you make to make the call and be wrong than to make the call and live with the regret that you could have helped them.
But you didn't. So, and if someone tells you that they want to take their own life and they have a plan and they're gonna execute it, don't be afraid to dial 911. Get help for them because that, that person is at the edge.
Paige Bond, LMFT
And you mentioned something a little bit about a 72 hour hold. And, that's something, you know, that every state is a little bit different on the legality. Sometimes it's voluntarily held, sometimes this is a mandatory, way to be able to keep this person safe from being, harmful to themselves. when I, I've spoken to people who actually have been in, inside the hospitals and had that 72 hour hold and I've noticed that some of them come back and say, well, I've had a bad experience so
I don't want to talk about, whenever I do have suicidal thoughts because I'm afraid I'm going to get put back in and I'm going to have another bad experience. That was traumatizing. What, what can we either, like, respond to with people who have had bad experiences like that?
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
Well, here's the thing, Paige, research shows that when people have a suicide attempt and they are placed in the hospital for, you know, 72 hour hold, they're given, you know, me, me psychotropic medications and they're getting the help that they need. Do you know that those people, if they're going to end their lives, it will happen within 90 days of being released from that, from the hospital setting. So those three months after a hospital stay like that are the most critical
and those individuals need to be cared for, they need to be monitored and you just kind of have to stay in communication with them because you might look at them and say, oh, he's doing better, everything's fine. But, studies show that the suicidal rates are higher during that. It's very critical that 90 days after the hospital release.
Paige Bond, LMFT
Well, I actually had no idea about, that 90 day critical period. So I'm, I'm hearing it's just really important to check in more. Continue to be direct continue to listen and be empathic, especially more so during that 90 day period after being released from that hold.
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
Yeah. Yeah. Stay in communication with them. And another thing, Paige, I want your listeners to know that if you have a medical di mental health diagnosis and your doctor gives you medication to help you with your mental illness, please stay under his care. Your doctor, please listen to his orders and don't stop taking your meds because a lot of times people will be on medication patients for a year or six months and then they, oh, wow.
I feel a lot better. You know, I'm gonna stop taking these medications. I don't need those anymore. But really, it's the medication that's helping you stay alive, it's helping you feel better. And that's the reason you have no more symptoms because it, because your medication is working. So my advice is to follow your doctor's orders, continue taking your medicine and you will be, you're on the right path because I had a relative like that. I had a cousin, he was diagnosed with,
schizophrenia and the medication had a lot of side effects, sexual side effects if I could say that. And he stopped taking it because, you know, his quality of his sex life was kind of going down the hill and unfortunately, just like my dad, he took his own life. Yeah, he did. He stopped taking his medication and then the hallucinate the hallucinations started back, you know, with the illness. So please everyone, you know, stay on your medication, follow your doctor's orders.
Paige Bond, LMFT
Yeah. It really sounds crucial that even when we think that we are doing better, it's really important to speak to our doctor about it to, to talk about any changes in medication instead of, you know, just not picking up prescriptions. I, I have so many clients who tell me. Oh, yeah, I just didn't, you know, pick up my prescription.
I felt like I was doing better or I didn't, you know, think that the medication was working because it made me feel foggy or it made life boring. but, but we often don't see that boring life that is stable is a lot better than, you know, being put in this dark abyss without medication at times.
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
Exactly. Exactly. You know, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. I know a lot of times with pride and being ashamed of having a mental health condition but just know that you're not alone. I mean, you can Google right now. The number of celebrities who have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, the number of celebrities who have been diagnosed with schizophrenia.
So, please know that you're not alone. And there are other people in the world who have those same diagnosis and they can be managed, you know, with the proper care with the right people in your life and, and having a quality life, all of it can be sus, your life can be sustained if you just get the right assistance.
Paige Bond, LMFT
Hm. And you know, talking about the right assistance to help life be sustained. So we talked about, you know, a caring person, we talked about calling 988 having a hold if needed. What can, what else can we do to provide, assistance to someone struggling with suicidal thoughts?
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
The main thing you can do. I think just being there for them being a, be, be a soft place for them to land, open your heart and your door to them, let them know that you're always there no matter what you can call me morning, noon and night and when they come to you show up, show up emotionally, put your phone down, make eye contact with them, take them somewhere there. I was on a radio show a couple of months ago and he said, there was a gentleman on the radio.
He said his nephew had been feeling really weird like he was depressed. The uncle said he got in his car and he went over and he picked up his nephew and he took him somewhere, they went to get coffee or something. Take the person somewhere, be present. I think that's the most important thing because people who feel cared for and loved are less likely to take their own lives. So just be a, be, be a, be a constant presence in their lives.
Paige Bond, LMFT
Be like that stable guiding light like that lighthouse to follow home.
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
Exactly. Call them. If you, if you're not in the area you can't get in your car and go over, text them, they have face time. You've got what you and I are doing now, video chatting. Just be present for them. The world needs more love. We do.
Paige Bond, LMFT
Yes. Yes. And that's what I really love about your podcast is its message about spreading love. You know, if we, we can talk a little bit about that as well and how that ties into suicide prevention. Why? Do you think your, your podcast of spreading the message of love is so crucial or so helpful in de stigmatizing suicide and really kind of like quieting down these voices of us wanting to end our life. What does your podcast do to be able to do that?
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
Well, you know, people who take their own lives, it's because there's a lack of love somewhere, whether it's self-love, I'll, I'll talk about my dad in that regard. My father had a lot of love around him. But because of the challenges that he faced in his life and the adversities and the losses that he had taken, he didn't have the self-love that he needed to be receptive of all the love that was around him.
So my podcast was created as a platform for spreading love, which is the strongest magnetic force on the planet Earth. And I go on, on my podcast every Saturday and I promote love. I promote mental health awareness because love is the thing that makes all things beautiful. And if, if you could just let people know what they mean to you, how much you care for them, you don't have to always say I love you.
I love you. You know, love is a verb. Show it in your actions and just try to be a safe place for people to land. That's what I would, I would say. So my podcast is I just recorded my 122nd episode and I'm, I'm really happy that I'm able to do this in honor of my dad because he was truly an amazing person. He committed the the worst act known to man. He, he murdered his wife moments before taking his own life.
And there were mental health challenges. There were struggles with my dad. And I want, I want people to know and I believe that a man should be remembered for the way he lived and not the way he died. And, you know, in this podcast episode page, I'm not at liberty to mention anything about his wife because I don't have permission from her family to discuss or talk about her and her life.
But she was a beautiful person and she did not deserve what happened to her. And I'm very, I'm very hurt. I'm very sad that this happened this way. It's not easy for me to sit here and tell you all these wonderful things about my dad when he committed the worst act known to man. However, I can say to you that my dad was struggling with mental health challenges, medication that he was not taking it like he should.
You know, there were some factors there that led to the events that took place the night of the, the murder suicide. So, my podcast is all about spreading love and I hope that my voice can help if I could help at least one person and prevent them from the pain that I have endured. Then, you know, my mission is complete.
Paige Bond, LMFT
Hm What a beautiful message to be able to give people the, the idea that like really love is kind of this cure to all of what people are struggling with and, and these thoughts of wanting to end their life. You know, I, I can imagine that, you know, they probably have this feeling of maybe not being loved by others, maybe not being shown, you know, grace by others. And, and as I hear you even speak about your dad, you talking about kind of balancing these two feelings at the same time,
right? It's this acknowledgement of something that's so tragic, something that's so sad and your own loss and losing a parent but also on the other side of things at the same time, feeling one compassion. But also I, I know that this wasn't right. I know that, you know, this, this was a really hard experience for the families affected by this as well. That's, that's really hard to balance both of those things.
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
It is, it really is. And sometimes I wonder, am I, am I going overboard with all the great things I'm saying? But I believe that it, I believe that if, if he were alive today, he would, he would acknowledge his, you know, his wrongs and what he did. But he was such a gentle giant with a big heart. I'm 48 years old. I die. My, I'm 48 years old. My father died when I was 45. So it's been three years and, I knew him for 45 years and I never thought in a million years that he would do this, that this
could happen so tragically, you know, when I woke up in the middle of the night and my phone was ringing and my text messages were, were dinging. I never thought that it would be a murder suicide. I thought maybe he had a stroke or, you know, they were gonna tell me it was a heart attack. I knew it was something bad, but I never imagined that it would be this.
Paige Bond, LMFT
Hm. Yeah. And, and I don't think this is something that is like the first to mind, thought whenever we're getting a phone call about a loved one, passing and, and as you're talking, you know, I kind of, I, I'm wondering, you know, what we can do for the listeners who are the ones who are left behind and struggling with the passing of someone who did end
their life. You know, what, what kind of advice or steps would you say for them to take in their own healing when they're left behind? From a loved one who killed themselves?
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
Yeah. Well, the first thing I would say to them is it's ok to feel whatever emotion comes up, go with it if you're angry, if you're, if you're sad, if you're bargaining like, well, maybe I should have called Thursday or maybe I should have gone over there Wednesday. Whatever the emotion that you're dealing with, let it, let it come, come to the surface because it's all a part of the healing process.
And then from there talk about your loved one, but talk to them, talk about them to someone who also knew the person or someone who could share the same love that you had for him. For example, my sisters and I, we often talk about our dad and, and what he meant to us. So talk about your loved one. I would encourage you to use your creative juices, make something in honor of your loved one.
Whether it's a nice fancy picture frame. But the most important thing that I recommend people do if you've lost a loved one, whether it's suicide or natural causes, I would advise you to do something on a consistent basis to honor the memory of your loved one. My dad was a radio sports radio show host. He loved public speaking, he loved being in the media.
So I created my podcast and it's a way of helping me stay connected to him. So every Saturday when I get up and I'm getting ready for my podcast. In essence, I'm walking in his gift, I feel more connected to him because I'm doing something that he loved. There's another lady that I'm in communication with her mom died by suicide, but her mother made the best apple pies on this side of heaven.
So what the daughter does is she goes around, I think it's once a month and she passes out homemade apple pies to people in her community in honor of her mother. So you can do something whether it's big or small. If the person was a basketball fan, watch a basketball game once a month in their honor, just whatever you can do on a consistent basis to honor your loved one's memory that right there is the number one key to help you with the healing process.
And then one other thing I wanna say, page my sisters and I, we are going to write a goodbye letter to my dad and what we're gonna do, we're gonna write the letters and we're going to put them in envelopes and we're all gonna meet up in one quiet safe place and we're gonna read the letter out loud in the room with just the three of us. And then from there, we will take the letters and put them in a safe place.
So that's another way to heal and, and to say goodbye because when a person dies by suicide, you, you don't get to say goodbye. There's a lot of thing, a lot of undelivered communication that I wish I could have had with my dad. So write a goodbye letter. That's another way to heal and just, you know, just, just go with that person in love and just remember them for the good times.
I know those thoughts are gonna come up, but just be thankful for the good times that you had in the years that you had. I had 45 years of good memories with my dad. So I try to focus on those as a way of healing.
Paige Bond, LMFT
Hm. You are a, a wealth of knowledge and being able to help someone through that healing process. And I, I love your ideas about being consistent, in doing something to honor them because I, I think a lot of people have this idea that oh, if I do something that reminds me of them that's going to make the pain stay.
Paige Bond, LMFT, La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
Just the, yeah.
Paige Bond, LMFT
Why, why do you think it does the exact opposite reaction of what people commonly think?
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
Because when you don't speak, you're holding it in but when you speak about it and you work on a, a project in their honor, it's a form of cleansing. You're releasing it, you're letting it out because it's like a pressure cooker if you hold all that pain inside of you. Oh, I don't want to talk about them.
I don't want to look at them, da, da, da da. Eventually you're gonna explode. It's gonna come out. You can't get over it. You can't, you can't get around it. The grief is gonna be there. So, just in a healthy way. Honor their memory. Don't hold on.
Paige Bond, LMFT
Yeah. Yeah. I, I think my big takeaway from talking with you is that if we don't talk about these things that breeds either, more shame, more pain, more darkness and more isolation. And so if we talk about it, we can relieve some of that.
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
Yes. Open up and, and make sure you're opening up and doing these things with people that you feel safe with. Don't do it in an environment where you're not safe. I belong to a group of people and we all have lost someone to suicide. And one lady was, in our group recently and she said that her mother came to visit her and the mom said, what's wrong with you?
Are you still crying over your daughter? It's been three years, get over it already. So people like that you have to keep away from when you're in a fragile state of losing someone you're grieving. Just my message to you is be careful who you let in your circle. Just kind of be careful. Those people who are are negative or don't have any empathy or compassion, let them go leave them alone. And there was a psychotherapist present when this lady was telling her story about how her mom
said, oh let it go. It's been three years. The mom may not have meant any harm because the mother was looking at her daughter wanting her pain to end. She wanted to see her out of that condition. So it doesn't necessarily mean she's the mom was a bad person. She just wanted her daughter to, to get over this pain and it's not something you get over. I don't think you ever get over it.
Paige Bond, LMFT
Yeah, I was actually just speaking with someone who works in grief the other day on another podcast that's going to be released. And they, they said that exact thing of, you know, losing someone, someone dying, someone that you love so much. It, it doesn't go away.
It's not something that you get over. You take that with you till the day you die and you get to decide how you live your life, either honoring them or pushing down and shoving down any memory, you know, acting as if they didn't exist to try to hide your pain.
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
So, grief doesn't look the same for everyone the way I'm grieving. My sisters are grieving in a different way, but we're all grieving in our own way. Yeah.
Paige Bond, LMFT
Well, thank you so much for talking about this topic and spreading awareness on suicide prevention. I know this is a really, really hard thing to talk about for some people. or, or even, you know, feeling alone that they don't know who to talk to about suicide or who to talk to about how to prevent it. So this was such an important conversation. Thank you so so much for talking.
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
Thank you for having me. I appreciate this. This is, and again, this is like therapy for me too because it's only been three years and I still have my struggles. But being able to speak with you tonight is a form of therapy for me. So, thank you.
Paige Bond, LMFT
Oh, good. I'm glad I could. before I ask how people can connect with you, is there any last words that you have for the audience around the topic of suicide prevention and awareness?
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
Yes. Paige. I would just like to talk to your audience right now and let them know that life is not easy. We all have days in our lives where we don't wanna be here anymore. We don't want to live anymore. I've been there right after my dad passed away. My husband walked out of my life and left me for another woman and I didn't deserve that. So I know what it feels like to be hurt, to be alone, to be in pain, to be broke, to feel unloved.
I know what it's like. But what I'm here to tell you is that I'm still here today because of people like Paige because of platforms and podcasts and suicide prevention advocacy. All of those techniques and, and methods. Those are things that have helped me stay alive. So what I want to say to you all is stay awake for the rebirth. You may feel down and out today.
You may not want to be here. But if you stay awake for the rebirth, you don't know what tomorrow will bring. And what I mean by stay awake for the rebirth is every morning that you wake up. You're rebirthing a new day. My father died on a Monday. I just wonder what would his life be like if he had just stayed awake and rebirth the new day? That Tuesday, what would Tuesday look like for him?
I'm quite sure Tuesday would not look like Monday. So just stay awake for the rebirth. Know that you are loved and your existence on the planet Earth matters and it may be dark right now, but just reach out to somebody. One person dial 988. If you don't want to talk, you can text 741 741. Text the word help to 741741.
Talk to someone if if you don't want to do that, find a trusted loved one, a neighbor, someone that cares about you and let them know how you feel and reach out for help because your existence matters and we need you here. The heartbeat of life is love and I want you to know that you are loved.
Paige Bond, LMFT
I couldn't have said that better myself. And that was so heartwarming and I, I really hope that that spoke to anyone struggling with being in a dark place right now. hm Well, as, as we close out our conversation today, if what you said, really resonated with any of the listeners, who are just hanging out with us on this podcast episode. What's the best way for them to connect with you to reach out to you, to hear more about what you've got to say.
La Toya Bond, Suicide Preventionist
The best way to reach out to me is you can go on Facebook. I have a Facebook page for my podcast. The podcast is called Speaking of Love podcasts, you can find it on Facebook. Speaking of Love podcasts, you can also look for me on youtube, speaking of Love podcast. And then I have my regular Facebook page, which is LaToya Bond and I'll spell that for you. My first name is L A and then there's a space and then there's a capital toy A.
So it's LaToya and my last name is Bond, just like page. And you can look me up on those social media accounts. I also have a website for my business and my podcast. My website is beautiful toy dot net. That's beautiful toy, beautiful toy dot net. And you can find me there as well.
Paige Bond, LMFT
All right. Well, listeners, if you want to hear more about anything Latoyia has to say, I'll have all of those links in the show notes for you and you can reach out or just listen to her messages that she's spreading with all this love and joy that she's given to the world. All right, LaToya, we will close out this episode. Thank you again, so, so much. I appreciate you being here. Thank you. All right, listeners. Until next time. Take care.
