From Heartbreak to Healing: Strategies for Rebuilding Your Life After a Breakup

Going through a breakup is undoubtedly one of the most challenging experiences in life. The pain, heartache, and uncertainty can leave you feeling lost and overwhelmed.

However, it is important to remember that while the end of a relationship may feel like the end of the world, it is also an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.

Whether you’re on the receiving end of a break up, the one ending things, or looking for guidance to help a loved one, you’re probably not doin’ so hot. In this article, we’ll explore strategies for rebuilding your life after a breakup, focusing on healing and finding your way back to happiness.

Understanding the Emotional Impact of a Breakup

So it happened. Life as you knew it has now changed forever.

• A shared life vision with the person you love

• Enjoying late night talks with your sweetie

• Having someone to cuddle you when you’re upset

• Finding familiarity in your partner when life seems crazy and they were the only one to bring you back down to earth

• The first person you told all your good (and bad) news to

All of these routines and peace of mind behaviors now cease to exist.

These tips below will help you get over someone after the relationship has ended. From as little as a two week relationship to decades long matrimony, keep reading to find ways to let go of your relationship and find relief.

Stop Contact With Your Ex.

Maybe even unfollow/unfriend them on social media. If you have to, block them and delete their number. The longer you continue contact with this person, the longer it will take to become disentangled from each others’ lives.

I’m serious. STOP TALKING TO THEM.

Also, if you continue this back forth contact, it can give you or the other person the wrong message which may end up in disappointment for holding out hope. Don’t do that to each other, breakups are hard enough

And really, think about it. Imagine you’re still buddy buddy on social media but your ex is moving on faster than you. You start to have thoughts in your head flooded with self-doubt. YOU CAN AVOID ALL THAT EXTRA PAIN.

This rule may have to be amended if children are involved in the breakup so please be mindful of how you can best help your children continue to have a healthy relationship with their partner while you heal and maintain your own boundaries.

Remember Why the Relationship Ended

This is especially important if you’re recovering from a toxic relationship. You might start to remember the good times and downplaying the bad times in your relationship. This can lead you down a path of false reality about the relationship.

If you find yourself running the scenarios over and over again to see what you could have done differently and glorifying your ex please see the next tip below.

Rediscovering Yourself and Your Passions

You are worthy. Let me repeat. YOU ARE WORTHY. I know this sucks. You dreamed of this life together. I want you to think about yourself for a second here though.

Now that the relationship has ended, this is the time to focus on YOU. Do what YOU love. Do what inspires you. You may not be achieving some of the goals you had planned with your ex, but might it be possible to attain some of those things just involving you?

Find your own sense of worth apart from that relationship

Try this: visualize a happy, peaceful, and loving future without any partner. What makes you whole? What helps you feel empowered?

You don’t have to lose yourself in a relationship, but often times we sacrifice a lot of ourselves to make the other person happy. Now that things are over, this is the time to give yourself that love and care you’ve been needing.

Practicing Self-Care and Self-Love

It’s time to take care of you. How do you do that? How can you nurture your pain?

If you have negative thoughts about yourself due to the breakup you could journal those thoughts down and feel free to keep it in paper or if you find it more relieving, you could rip it up or even safely burn it. Getting these thoughts out of your head and doing something with them can be quite cathartic.

Maybe you’ve put off a hobby for a long time due to focus on the relationship. Now’s the best time to go out and experience those unmet desires. Take a cooking class, try learning a new language, get out and finally take that goat yoga class! Doing these things that bring you some sort of enjoyment without a partner are important to continue in your healing process.

Building a Support System

They say it takes a village to raise a child. Well, it also takes a village to heal from a breakup.

You’ll heal best by nurturing other relationships and allowing yourself to be vulnerable and reach out for support. Call that relative, schedule time to hang out with friends, or even reach out to a therapist to help you process the aftermath of what happened.

Lean on your people

You may find it helpful to hear from your support system’s own stories of relationships ending and learning how they got through it. Your support system will be a crucial part in helping you feel validated and less alone.

Taking Time to Grieve and Process Your Emotions

You’re experiencing a loss. Maybe not a death, but it was a death to the relationship and the future you had planned. You’re in a place where it’s okay to experience a roller coaster of emotions.

One minute you might notice you feel relief and happiness for your future life and then all the sudden you find yourself crying in the frozen section of Target because you were triggered by seeing your ex’s favorite ice cream. That’s totally normal.

Be sad. Cry it out. Grieve.

Know that while you have a storm of emotions going on around you, you can anchor yourself using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy techniques to be more mindful of your emotions and observe them without judgement.

7. Don’t get wrapped up in your head about the negatives

Okay so I know I said to give yourself time to feel the feels. That’s great! You also want to make sure that you don’t start spiraling though. While you may experience the back and forth from “I’m so exhilarated to do life my way” to “I am dying without those special night time kisses of theirs” you want to make sure that you simply observe the pull to get your ex back instead of entertaining the idea.

How do I know if these thoughts are consuming me and I’m spiraling?

• You find it hard to have motivation to do anything you once found pleasurable

• You’re obsessing over your ex and it’s preventing you from engaging in normal day-to-day life

• You’re turning into your own worst enemy and bringing yourself down by negative self talk

If this happens, it might be best to seek professional help of a therapist to guide you through the grieving process.

Letting Go of Resentment and Forgiveness

I’m not gonna sugar coat it-you’ve played a role in this too. Do some introspection to really find the reason why things didn’t work out. By acknowledging the things you could have done better on to create a healthy dynamic in the relationship, you can take these lessons to a future relationship to promote happiness and growth.

Own your shit that contributed to things ending and learn from the aftermath

Dr. Radisha Brown states: The key is giving yourself grace by forgiving your mistakes. During this time, offer compassion to yourself and let go of blaming and any resentment to sever that tie. No one is perfect, and you're allowed to make mistakes in love as long as you can grow from it and course-correct moving forward.

9. Get outside and look inside

I know getting off that couch is one of the last things you want to do right now. But here’s the scoop: Research shows your body is going through literal physical pain as you mourn the loss of your partner, affecting you somatically, which only deepens your sadness.

To counteract that, you may find it helpful to get some movement into your daily routine. Endorphins from exercising are going to be your best friend to release stress you’re holding onto physically as well as help release stuck negative thoughts.

My best tip is to spend at least 5 minutes outside to get natural vitamin D from the sun, breathe in some fresh oxygen, and notice how it feels to move your body instead of sinking into that dark abyss on your couch.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls During the Healing Process

During the healing process, it’s important to be aware of common pitfalls that can hinder your progress. Avoid jumping into a new relationship too soon, as this may prevent you from fully healing and discovering yourself as an individual.

Take the time to focus on your own growth and well-being before entering a new relationship.

Additionally, avoid using substances or unhealthy coping mechanisms as a means to numb the pain. While these may provide temporary relief, they ultimately hinder the healing process and can lead to further complications.

Comparing yourself to others or dwelling on the past can also impede your healing journey. Remember that everyone's journey is unique, and comparing yourself to others only serves to undermine your progress. Focus on your own growth and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small.

Moving Forward and Embracing a New Chapter in Your Life

You’re in pain. A lot of pain right now. This is part of the process to let go of your ex and find how you can reconnect with yourself and move on. It doesn’t have to end with resentment and hatred, you can choose to still honor the good parts of the relationship and wish your ex the best in their choices and do the same for your own journey.

If you’re finding it hard to get through your own breakup and make sense of what happened please reach out to a trained relationship coach to one of our therapists to help guide you through a healing journey adjusting to your new life.