Transforming Grief into Spiritual Growth: How to Stop.Feel.Heal
Summary
Dr. Emy Tafelski, an integrative soul coach, specializes in helping women cope with significant loss. She shares her personal experience of losing her mother and discusses the process of healing and rediscovering oneself after such a loss.
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In this episode, you’ll learn about:
Dr. Tafelski’s concept of the "soul as a tapestry" and its role in the healing process.
The importance of allowing space for grief and emotions while engaging in grounding activities like connecting with nature.
How long the self-exploration process takes.
Dr. Tafelski’s four-phase process for personal growth and self-discovery, which can be done individually or in a group setting.
Dr. Emy Tafelski is a licensed therapist turned integrative soul coach who helps women who have suffered an untethering loss reweave their souls into wholeness. Her work stems directly from her own healing journey following the loss of her mom which left her shattered and untethered.
It is her mission to revolutionize how women transform after loss so that they can release what holds them back and reclaim their power. She believes that when women fully tend to their wounds (including those that come from the culture around them) and align with wholeness they are absolutely unstoppable. She offers transformative group and 1:1 Soul Weaving services.
Noteworthy quotes from this episode:
“There's a piece, particularly for women I think. You know, I speak of untethered loss. I think women in general are sort of raised to anchor or tether to things outside of ourselves: whether it's a partner or Children or whatever. But I think that is one of the reasons why this works so important, right? Because when we experience something that untethers us and we lose that external tether, it gives us an opportunity to re-anchor and do it internally, which is a much more solid, a more permanent sense of self.”
“Like attune... where we first create space for all of the feelings that we have because our culture does not make space for grief in the accompanying feelings.”
Connect with Emy
FREE Meditations: The Untethering Loss Care Package https://emytafelski.ck.page
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Web: emytafelski.com
Connect with Paige Bond
Instagram: @paigebondcoaching
Facebook: @paigebondcoaching
Website: www.paigebond.com
Paige Bond hosts the Stubborn Love podcast, is a Licensed Marriage Therapist, and is a Polyamory Relationship Coach. Her mission is to help people-pleasing millennials navigate non-monogamy so they can tame their jealousy and love with ease. Her own journey from feeling lonely, insecure, and jealous to feeling empowered and reassured is what fuels her passion to help other people-pleasers to conquer jealousy and embrace love.
Free Jealousy Workbook:
http://www.paigebond.com/calm-the-chaos-jealousy-workbook-download
Free People Pleasing Workbook:
https://www.paigebond.com/people-pleasing-workbook
Disclaimer: This podcast and communication through our email are not meant to serve as professional advice or therapy. If you are in need of mental health support, you are encouraged to connect with a licensed mental health professional to receive the support needed.
Mental Health Resources:National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255SAMHSA’s National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 for free, 24/7 crisis counseling.
Intro music by Coma-Media on pixabay.com
Transcript
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Stubborn Love here. I'm your host, Paige Bond. And today we have a very special guest. We have doctor Emmy Tafel and she's an integrative soul coach who helps women who have suffered an un tethering loss, reweave their souls into wholeness.
Oh, what an impactful statement. So, before we dive into everything that has to do with how to make that happen, Amy, can you tell the listeners a little bit more about yourself and how you came up with all of this and your journey?
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
I would love to. Thanks Paige. I'm so happy to be here. And like Paige said, I am Emmy Tafel and I work with women who have suffered a loss that shattered their sense of self. And I work to help them figure out who they are in the world again and put their soul back together in a way that's more authentic and more whole than ever before. And I came to this work after my mom died, that was 5.5 years ago, even though I was 42 at the time, it really was a loss that shattered me and I think there was
some part of me that didn't expect that to be true. I remember some months before she died, one of my mentors asked me if I was going to take time off because she was dying of cancer. So we knew it was coming at some point though. It wasn't like, you know, you don't know when anyway, my mentor asked me how long I might take off from work. And I thought like, oh, maybe two or three weeks and I ended up taking a year off to just really do a deep dive into my own healing journey.
What I found was from this shattered place like this place of really not knowing who I was in the world anymore. Like, just feeling completely shattered. I could see more aspects of myself. I could see sort of like I envision it like a tapestry, like the soul as a tapestry.
And so from that shattered place, I could see some threads that like weren't mine didn't belong to me and some other like missing bits. So from the zoomed out view, I knew that I needed to heal and I didn't, didn't quite know how to do that. So I went on a lengthy journey.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Yes. And I'm so interested to hear about that journey. But one thing that really sticks out to me is you kind of have this expectation to get through the loss in 2 to 3 weeks. And then all of a sudden that turns into a whole 12 month journey. And how, how did like, that's a huge difference of expectation versus reality. At what point did you come to terms with? Ok. This is actually a lot longer of a process than I expected.
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
I think in general, our culture doesn't make a lot of space for grief. And so though I had had parent not parents, grandparents die prior to my mom dying. II, I don't know that I ever actually really grieved or created space for it. After my mom died, there was such a profound feeling of being untethered and like floating in the wind, like just insubstantial in the world.
And as a therapist at the time, it's was my entire job to hold space for others to create a container for other people to come and do their own healing work. But I had no substance. So I couldn't hold space. I couldn't make a container. I couldn't, it was like I was made of dust. So I did try to go back to work. After a couple of weeks, I tried to go back to work.
As the day approached, I knew I couldn't do it. Like I could barely string two sentences together. My brain wasn't functioning. And I, I think that's another thing we kind of don't talk about when we think of grief is that your brain does different things when you're grieving. it doesn't work. At least for me it didn't work the way it normally did.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Yeah. What are some examples in how your brain changed that you noticed? Or that other people noticed?
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
I just had extreme, like, brain fog. Like, I couldn't, I couldn't even stare at the computer for more than a half an hour without getting a huge headache. I couldn't, like, my thought processes were disjointed. I couldn't come up with like, responses to questions or like, I really just couldn't think like, it was like, my whole brain was like fuzz. I felt like fuzz.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Yeah. Yeah. And I like the imagery you kind of talked about previously of like, it felt like you were floating in the wind and I just imagine this kind of like space of being in limbo rather than like grounded in something like, is that?
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
Yeah. Is it, it's, I mean, I talk about it in a bunch of different ways, but that's definitely one of them sort of like, like a leaf that's fallen off of a tree and you're just floating with no, like nothing attached to you anywhere.
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach, Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
It's like you're just in the breeze, like gonna land wherever, who knows whenever just Yeah, that actually, like, as you're saying, that caused me to like, tense up a little bit and get a little bit frightened because that begs the question of when am I gonna land?
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Where am I gonna land? How's life going to be when I finally do get to the ground if I ever get to the ground. Right.
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
Yeah. Hm. Hm. Yeah. Exactly. I mean, it was, I, I remember during the time period my husband was like, I'm afraid you're gonna get stuck this way, which was valid. Like I knew in the process I wasn't going to get stuck because I was, I knew I was engaged in the healing journey. But from the outside, I feel certain it looked like I don't know where she's gonna land.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Yeah. So you said you took this 12 month journey to kind of start healing your soul in this tapestry process. Can you tell us like what, what that journey was like, like what you did?
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
So I kept trying to go back to work and it never worked, right? So there was like a period of like two months after my mom died where I had like multiple different dates of like return to work. Yay because the culture around us says like you should be over it, you should go back to work it. You should be fine. You should just go on with business as usual.
So I sort of battled in that like tension for a while of like following the cultural prescription of just going back to work. I should be over this. I don't know why I'm not over this, but I felt shattered. So I couldn't just be over it. Right? So eventually, like I had had a pretty deep spiritual practice before my mom died. And it came to me in a meditation sort of the knowledge like you must stop what you're doing and heal.
Like the only way to be a fully expressed version of yourself is to like stop and dive in. And so I took appropriate action with my clients by, you know, referring, like I picked a date of like this is gonna be when this is going to start referred everyone to other folks and started deepening my daily meditation practice and started seeing some local healers and they helped provide like the scaffolding that kind of nudged me along.
And I did a great deal of the work daily in my meditation practice where I just, I went on spiritual journeys with myself. And what I realized was that there's such a, it's strange to say, but from that place of being so shattered, there's an opportunity to step into what I call a healing portal. Hm. Like I knew that there was profound healing available and I just had to sort of like decide to step into that process, which that's what I did for 12 months.
I dug into this healing work and was also getting my phd at the same time. So I took my healing journey and I studied it for my phd and wrote my dissertation about it because I wanted to know what happened like what did I do here? How can I take this and create something to help others?
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Well, so you created a masterpiece out of your pain, out of your tragedy and within that, doing so much, you know, you, you had it in your own private practice and I'm sure there were some feelings maybe that you had about yourself of OK, I gotta slow down and take a break for a while, right? Because this is, you know, our culture here in America where we're used to work, work, work, work, work and not taking breaks like that and then being able to continuously like it sounds like you had
this conscious choice of OK. I'm going to continue to process this healing. I am making this conscious decision to step into this healing portal. OK? I want to know more about this portal like tell me how do we get there? What do we do? How do we create it? Is it something that like we imagine? Is it through meditation? Tell us all about?
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
Yeah. So this is actually the first phase in my four phase soul waving process, right? The first phase is called attune where we literally attuned to the portal, right? Like and I don't know that it's more than just making the conscious decision, right? I think there's like a state of being in the shattered of like when everything comes apart, you can choose to move forward toward growth and healing, right?
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach, Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
And so that's what like, but it's a conscious decision, it is a belief in a conscious decision. And so in my soul waiver program that is a phase one, right? Like attune... where we first create space for all of the feelings that we have because our culture does not make space for grief in the accompanying feelings. And I try to be very careful to speak of feeling our feelings first, right? Turn and step through the healing portal like, yeah,
so I'm hearing that when we get tuned, there's no way that we could do this in our three day bereavement leave that we get from our job. Yeah, unlikely.
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
I mean, you can go back to work if, if that's what you need to do, right? Like most of us need to work and I, I think there's a way to do it as a parallel process, right? Like I'm doing my 9 to 5 or whatever your gig is, right? And at the same time, I'm gonna take time each evening to or once a week or whatever to engage in this healing work that can be simultaneous to living life.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Yeah. So I I like how your way of doing this process allows space for just kind of a variety of different situations where people may not be able to have the luxury of. Ok, let me take like the the 12 months to be able to only focus on this or like focus on that while I also do school. How would you say that you can help people balance, continuing to work or go through those kind of daily requirements or activities while also attuning to themselves?
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
I think it's gonna be different for everyone and I think that I'm a giant fan of like, time block. So I could see that sort of the structure of having time set aside for you to, do healing, work in the evening or in the morning before work or, engaging in a daily meditation or engaging in, like, having time set aside to feel your feelings of loss and grief and to, tune into yourself and see, you know, what's, what?
And you can even also set aside, you know, like 10 minutes during your lunch hour to sort of check in and see like, ok, am I doing, do I need to look at a plant outside? You know, like, do I need to, like, get in touch with nature? Do I need to, you know, take some breaths? Do I need to, you know, whatever, write some stuff or?
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
I think that is super doable to be able to because you, you can almost think of it as like a a new addition, a new task just added into your life like taking on just a any other new thing. So I I think that process is super doable. So, so you mentioned a couple of different things that it sounds like could help with that a tuning process, the the grounding of going and looking at a plant maybe being connected in nature. Are those some of the things that you recommend doing this phase?
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
Yes, I think I'm a giant fan of grounding activities and also about nature.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
I'm a big fan of nature too. Yeah.
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
You know, I also have three of my foundational meditations that your audience has available to them in the show notes. And one of them was really foundational during this period for me where it's laying on the ground and receiving a hug from Mama Earth, like where you're just kind of like laying on the ground and feeling held and feeling not alone, less alone.
And that was that to me is a foundational piece of this beginning time period where things are very unsettled and you're very un like you're very floaty. So I think that that can really benefit people for sure.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Yeah, I really love that one. That one just like felt really cozy and warm and at home. So listeners Yes, I will have those in the show notes for you. So go ahead and download them as soon as you can as far as the attune process. Is there anything else in that, that we missed before moving on to the next phase?
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
The other piece of it is sort of attuning to the idea of soul as tapestry. So the visualization that carries us through the entire process is this concept of soul as tapestry and sort of the threads of the tapestry making up who you are. So that's another piece of a tune where we really kind of just visualize what our tapestry looks like and begin to be able to call it up at will and see it in our mind's eye and feel it as part of us.
This is like sort of part of the scaffolding and the framework that gives us like a visual thing to do work on if that makes sense, like it becomes a little less amorphous to have like this visual.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Yeah, I'm understanding this kind of as like a phase of exploring yourself, your identity, how you connect, how you connect to the world to others around you. And you using that beautiful imagery of like all, all of these, you know, what are they are they strings threads that, that reach out to all these many things that make us who we are. Is that it? Yeah, exactly. OK. Exactly. Very, very cool.
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
There's a piece, particularly for women. I think, you know, I speak of untether loss. Like I think women in general are sort of raised to anchor or tether to things outside of ourselves, whether it's a partner or Children or whatever. And so kind of jumping ahead. But, but I think, I think that is one of the reasons why this works so important, right?
Because when we experience something that untether us and we lose that external tether. It gives us an opportunity to re anchor and do it internally, which is a much more solid, a more permanent sense of self.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Yeah. I'm also wondering this begs the question, how long does this phase take? Because kind of learning about yourself. I, I feel like I, I mean, you know, me being 29 years old and still exploring, I feel like it's gonna take a great deal of time to kind of like analyze this tapestry of myself and my life. So is there a certain amount of time that constitutes this process or is it just, you know, as you complete whatever?
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
So I'm offering it as two different things, one as a group process that is 15 weeks long and the other is a one on one process that's eight weeks long for the whole all four phases. But what you come out of each of those with is the knowledge of how to do this so that you can do it again when needed. But the whole process is looking at the different threads of the top, all four phases is, well, the fourth one is the anchoring, the last thing, but the other three are looking at the threads of the
tapestry, we focus and do visualizations for each phase and then you leave and do some work on your own. And then at the end of the whole process, you have the ability to go back through this process whenever you want.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
I love that. So you're, you're kind of like taking this in a process of like an educational format, self exploratory format and then basically giving the person the tools to be able to continue their growth even after they're done working with you. Yes. Love that. Love that a lot. OK. Is there anything else in the attune phase before moving into your second phase?
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
The last piece of a tune is sort of the catalyst for phase two, which is released, but it's kind of where we look at the tapestry and we notice some threads that are like maybe discordant from the whole, like they're an off color or they're like a different material, maybe they're like knobby, but the rest of the threads are smooth or they're like dark and everything else is light or it doesn't fit something like this.
Right? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Like threads that don't fit and that is the signal of moving into release, which is phase two. And where we explore those discordant threads, those foreign colors or different material or what, however they show up and we kind of follow them. Well, I'll give an example. So for me, one of my discordant threads was related to disordered eating. And what I realized when I looked at that thread was that it was sort of attached back to my mom.
And so what I realized is that it was, this is something I had tried to heal forever and it was stubborn. And what I realized is that it was never mine to carry. Like this was a thread woven into my tapestry by my mom because that's what happens, right? With transgenerational stuff. It just, it's, you know, not a malicious thing. It just, that's how we are created.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
We carry baggage.
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
Yeah, that's the baggage, her baggage, that was just kind of like woven into my tapestry. So I did the work of literally in my mind's eye un weaving that thread from my tapestry and letting it go. And it had a profound impact on my relationship to food and my body going forward. So other examples of threats to release are like threats of patriarchy, threats that tell us we're not enough and that we have to show up in the world in service to men or the like, right?
Like stay small like this, the threat of being staying small and not like fully showing yourself. So in this phase, we do all the work of the cultural threads, the familial threads, the messages that we got that stuck into our tapestry that don't serve us, that we don't need that are holding us down and keeping us back. Hm. Hm.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
This sounds like a really powerful phase and probably one that you can continue to go back to often because maybe you're looking at your tapestry and you see some threads you take care of those. But maybe as life goes on, you realize, oh crap, there's another thread showing up and that is really foreign and doesn't quite fit in and then you kind of re work through that process again. So again, I love how your program, you can get the knowledge of the tools of how to use this over and over.
I'm kind of wondering in. So I'm imagining, you know, as you're going through the process of OK, I've identified that this thread doesn't fit here. What's the actual process of reweaving that or getting rid of that thread that doesn't fit? Is it the guided meditation or how does the process work?
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
Yep. Every stage is really is, is very heavy in like guided visualization. So where I will take you through the process in your mind's eye of literally seeing yourself, seeing your hand, seeing your feeling this in your body, putting yourself in this place like in, standing in front of your tapestry, in whatever room your mind
creates around it. Right? And like, using a, I don't know, thread tool, like a needle or something and like, picking out this thread that doesn't belong and letting it go.
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach, Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
And I'm kind of curious what are some common emotions that someone would experience after that process is done after that meditation relief, a deeper sense of wholeness, right?
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
But I don't know, like it's really the difference between when we show up because you end up being more authentic than before, right? Like, so it's, it's which is also not a feeling, however, the feeling of like being harmonious. There we go harmonious. So more harmony throughout your system.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Hm I can imagine even after that, there can be such a huge shift and the way someone would interact with the world and other people around them being able to feel more whole, more authentic to that. Like I'm getting excited just talking about this second phase of yours. Yeah. So, so that happens, you do the meditation.
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach, Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
And then is there anything else after that in this particular phase, we do a couple of rounds of the guided visualization, right?
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
Like we do one focused on threads that aren't yours to carry that were maybe woven in by family or whatever. And then we do a a piece focused on cultural patriarchy, that kind of stuff and then we kind of take stock like do do we need another round or does that hit the the two main ones? And then we shift into phase three which is reclaim.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Oh What are we reclaiming?
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
We are reclaiming all the lost parts of the self, I think in terms of parts lost to trauma. So for me, that was a big deal. parts that I had that really were just cut off due to trauma. Like I did a visualization where I went back into and, and we don't do it. We don't do this particular visualization. But for me, I went back into each of these specific traumas and reclaimed the parts that got left behind in those instances.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Hm. Like the parts that weren't taken care of the parts whose needs weren't being met. Yeah. Hm.
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
And then we reclaim parts that we've maybe cut off ourselves because we learned it wasn't OK to be who we are, right? Like, you know, we learned that in whatever way that it wasn't OK to be who we are. So we cut those parts off and we tried to make ourselves more palatable to whoever to get what we need and to get our needs met. But now we're adults so we can reclaim all of those lost parts of the South deep again, deep in our wholeness and authenticity.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Yeah, I mean, I can't tell you how many times I could have used this process especially after like a relationship ending because there were so many parts of myself that I cut off to fit into the relationship. And then after getting out of it, I would still not know if it was safe for those parts to come back. So I would keep those quiet. And now I'm in the most authentic and loving relationship I could ever have.
And there parts of me that are playful and curious and just filled with wonder of the world are able to be authentically expressed. So I, again, I'm getting a lot of joy hearing about this process of reconnecting to their whole self even deeper than that second phase. Like it's, it's like all of these phases just add on even more layers of being more authentic with yourself.
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
Yep. Exactly. Perfect. And I think you bring up a good point too, right? The fact that loss sometimes isn't someone dying or? Yeah, it, it's not always death, right? It can be the loss of a relationship or the loss of a career or the loss of your health or even a, a huge life transition, even just retiring or becoming a parent or,
I mean, just, there are so many things that shatter our sense of self and leave us not knowing who we are in the world where this process can help you rediscover who you are.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Yeah. And I'm glad you really said that and, and pointed that out because I, I think it would be such a shame if listeners thought, oh, gosh, well, I, I didn't lose anybody, nobody died. And, and they could have missed out on a really great experience with you of, you know, reconnecting to their whole cells by this whole process, even if it wasn't, you know, a death being
involved. So I, I love that this is applicable to, to many different types of ways that things can be lost. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. OK. So anything else in the reclaim phase?
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
Nope, we're just collecting all the parts and lovingly returning them to the whole. So we, you know, the visualization for that is to like weave the weave the threads back into the tapestry, the threads that are the right colors and the right material, right? So like we took out the discordant ones and now we're putting back in the ones that like somehow lost their way, but they fit, right? So we put them back in.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
I'm wondering if you ever notice that people have a hard time putting in the more authentic threads of themselves because maybe they have been lost for so long or they don't know what it feels like anymore. Maybe.
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach, Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
So I'm wondering if like there's been some struggles in that phase of putting it back in, it can be challenging.
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
And so we try to create enough space and I mean, essentially we're making new neural pathways and so repeating the process over and over again can be helpful. But if we're if we're fully dropped into the zone and showing up, I, I think that makes it a little bit easier. If, if, if you're able to kind of get into the visualization process, then it makes it a little bit easier because you're on a different level than thinking about it, right?
Like this is a deeper level than like thinking about doing this. It's using the imaginal realms as you would call it. Not that I'm a young fan but to, to visualize this happening, it takes it out of the conscious brain.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
That, that makes sense. And I'm glad you explained there's like a difference. Like it, it sounds like this process wouldn't work if someone were to just like think about all these things. We have to get out of the logical side of our mind and really in tune with our soul. There we are. We're back to it.
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Like this is deep soul work versus thinking about healing.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Yeah. Yeah, I love that. OK. All right. So we do the, the reweaving process we're adding in the more authentic threads and the reclaim and then our fourth phase of your process. What's next? Anchor? Hm.
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
That sounds safe. Yes, we pull all the threads together. So the tapestry is tight and we anchor the tapestry kind of into our body, anchor our body like into the earth, anchor, our sense of self kind of internally. We also do a little bit of cognitive work here and like a little bit of the brain work where we kind of reiterate the process just to sort of anchor that as well.
Right. Like, so you walk out if you're knowing how to do this for yourself down the road, if a thread gets pulled, right? Like a sweater, sometimes threads just get pulled. Yeah.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
And you need to kind of smooth things out and I'm curious if you might be able to touch on an example like in the real world after they're kind of walking through this process with you, we're in phase four of anchor and something in the real world. A thread of theirs got pulled. How, like what would be an example of a thread being pulled in someone's world?
So let, let's go with the example like loss of, you know, a person that's important to them like a, a death or something. Is that like being reminded that they're gone or what would be the thread pulling example for me.
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
one of the big threads that I released was feeling like I wasn't enough and I replaced that in reclaim with always worthy and there are some times where something will poke the, not like the shadow of the not enough thread. So like starting a new business, let's say, or, you know, like just just, you know, a big change or something where, some of that old shadow of that thread. It never feels as big as it felt before.
Like it never feels the same as it felt before I did this work. And I can typically notice it and shift into the always worthy thread. Right. Like the reminder of, like, oh, yeah. Ok. I'm, I don't, I'm not carrying that one anymore. I'm carrying this one instead. So, like, this is like, where my attention can go instead, which I didn't have that secondary piece before.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Yeah, in a cognitive sense, I'm kind of thinking of it as like there's this bit of self doubt with that new authentic thread being woven and that self doubt is like, hm, are you sure you're worthy and you kind of have to get back into doing that soul work and layer back on or maybe even thicken the thread of like strengthening it to kind of create this barrier from not being sucked into a spiral of that unworthiness or
whatever that loose thread was. Yep. Exactly. Cool. I love this concept. Love it so much. So once that's being done, is there anything else in the anchor phase that we missed?
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
We do a lot of felt sense work like anchoring in the like body sensations of this new, more home, more authentic tapestry, right? Like what does it feel like to be here to be you right now? Yeah. And really kind of anchoring in those feelings as well.
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach, Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Like the felt sense of being in this place.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
How do you anchor into that? Is that through the process of, you know, the imagery, meditation? Is that something that you? OK. So, yeah, what, what would be kind of like a, a way to start that process?
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
We really get in touch with the feeling, whatever the feeling is, right? Like when I am in my more home, more authentic place, like what does that feel like in my body? What, what do I notice? Like in my chest, in my belly, in my like, how do my muscles feel? How does my like, how does all of that feel? And so I can relate that felt sense to the cognitive understanding of, let's say always worthy.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Yeah, that's really beautiful. I love that. You said there's like two different formats that, that people can work with you to use this process. What would be the differences between the one on one in group program? Besides the fact that one's shorter, one's longer and then one's, you know, more private and then one has other people involved. Are there any other distinctions between the two ways of going about that process?
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
Not really. I think that there's some power in group work, right? I think there's power in group work and that's not for everyone. And that group experience runs only twice a year. If you don't want to wait that long, then the one on one is available at any time in group, the group creates a circle whose energy feeds each other. And, you know, for soul work that matters, which is not to say that doing it one on one wouldn't work.
It absolutely would work to do it one on one. I did it by myself. It's definitely possible to do it one on one. And I think that one on one offers the potential to have it be more tailored to your specificity. Like the specific threads that are specific to you versus in group, it'll be a more broad like we're looking for discordant threads, but I'm not gonna have everyone tell me what those threads are personally.
But if we're doing one on one, it's gonna be a little more tailored to specifically what is the thread that you're looking at and how does it impact you and how, I don't know if deeper is the right word, but it's a little more, just a little more personalized when you're doing it.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
One on one. Yeah. That makes sense. I agree with you. I, I love group work. I think it can be so powerful like there's power in community, you know, there's the phrase, it takes a village. It does, but it doesn't have to also.
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
Yes, exactly. Yeah.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Is there anything else that would be good for listeners to know about your process that we didn't cover before I go into my last few questions?
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
Yeah, I don't think so. I think, I think we've touched on most of it.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Awesome. Good. I'm wondering that or, or not wondering, I, I can imagine that some people can maybe be intimidated by a process of kind of looking into their, their own loss and, you know, getting grounded back into their soul and kind of maybe view that as like a very big mountain to climb.
what would you say to those people who are kind of viewing it that way as intimidating or as a big mountain to climb that would maybe help them feel a little bit more at ease in, in taking the step, say for working with you in this process.
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
I think that two things actually, number one, the reason I packaged this all together was because when you're sort of in the place of like you've experienced a loss, you feel shattered and scattered and untethered. It is hard to come up with the way forward for yourself. So this is a blueprint and a scaffolding that will surround you will hold, you will tell you the steps on the path. So you don't have to come up with it on your own. Then the other thing is that's why it's in four phases,
right? Like, so it's not like we are not climbing this entire mountain in at one time, we are taking like small bites of the elephant as we go like this piece and then this piece and then this piece and like pulling it all together at the end. So it, I think becomes more manageable when we look at it, as a phase model that we're working our way through step by step and you're not alone. Like I've, I've got the system and also my presence.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of hand holding through the, the program. They're not alone. They don't have to, you know, do this on their own or find out the answers. You're gonna be with them every step of the way. Yep. Awesome. Love it. Well, I've enjoyed this so much, for listeners who want to see what you're about, wanna get to know you or wanna reach out to you. Where can they find you?
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
They can find me on my website Emmy Taels dot com, which will be in the show notes because spelling it would, I think, be challenging. And I also have the free gift for everyone, which are my three foundational meditations. And I would encourage everyone to sign up for it just because, even if you haven't suffered, the loss of a being or any loss right now, it's just, I mean, who doesn't want to lay on the floor and feel less alone?
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Yeah. And also your emails are amazing. So everybody should sign up for Amy's emails anyways. Thank you. I enjoy reading every single one because they're so authentic. And so it's like that's living proof for everybody. The process works.
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
Thank you. I that makes me happy here because I, I do show up with all of my heart and soul in my weekly emails.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Yeah, if you do, I love it. OK. Listeners. We will have all of that information in the show notes. Remember that we'll have the free gift of the three package comfort combo from any with those guided meditations. Feel free to download them as soon as you can. And thank you Emmy so much for being on the show. I appreciate it.
Dr. Emy Tafelski, Integrative Soul Coach
Thank you for having me. It's been fun.
Paige Bond, Marriage Coach
Good. All right listeners. Until next time.
